Yes I talked with her before on this, but see her off line.
Would you prefer if I folllow up with her?
I talk to both of you and dont want to create any boundry issues.
Im comfortable with both of you.
I already spoke with my son, so the question is straight forward.
Okay, thank you.
Well, whenever my son comes to the house, he is aloof, distant, doesnt communicate much and doesnt give me a hug when he leaves. With Kate's suggestion, I confronted him. I was previously enmeshed with him about six years ago so I thought it was reminant feelings about that. He lives away at college but came and stopped by today when he was in the area. When I told him I observed his behavior and asked what it was and if we could work past it. Only to find out it has nothing to do with me.He was defensive and told me it hasnothing to do with me. He didnt even want to talk about what the issue really is. He has ongoing therspy. My question is, is he telling me the truth? Sure he has other issues, but arent they all from his upbringing....likely socialization and anxiety are his current issues. But these inborn feelings are struggles which began while living in a stressful household. So, maybe its not me, as my husband is the one who cant change, and I can and have changed. So, maybe its more my projection, or guilt from the past once again, rather than his issue being spefically about me. Unless he is still in denial. hes a great kid, and does well in college.
Thank you Elliott. I agree. DID I push him away by asking clarity? I felt relieved it wasnt about me. I was surprised by his defensiveness, when I texted him, because I did not and do not pry. I didnt say, you didnt hug me. I said, I noticed you were alouf or distant.
If it means anything, even being in his presence is a gift to me. I love him to death. By the way, I have severe pain today, and am ultra sensitive so under normal circumstances, I may not have said anything and let it be. Yes, going forward, I will continue to the motherly presence, which is enough.Well it was great to see him