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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Greetings Elliott, Do you have a moment?

Resolved Question:

Greetings Elliott, Do you have a moment?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Hi Dawn,

I saw you were trying to get hold of Kate but she is evidently on online.

How can I help you?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Yes I talked with her before on this, but see her off line.

Would you prefer if I folllow up with her?

I talk to both of you and dont want to create any boundry issues.

Im comfortable with both of you.

I already spoke with my son, so the question is straight forward.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
No, there are no boundary issues and we are friends.

Sorry it took so long to get back but I had others in the queue.

What is the question? If you get back quickly there is nobody else waiting so I will respond quickly.

Warm regards,

Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Okay, thank you.

Well, whenever my son comes to the house, he is aloof, distant, doesnt communicate much and doesnt give me a hug when he leaves. With Kate's suggestion, I confronted him. I was previously enmeshed with him about six years ago so I thought it was reminant feelings about that. He lives away at college but came and stopped by today when he was in the area. When I told him I observed his behavior and asked what it was and if we could work past it. Only to find out it has nothing to do with me.He was defensive and told me it hasnothing to do with me. He didnt even want to talk about what the issue really is. He has ongoing therspy. My question is, is he telling me the truth? Sure he has other issues, but arent they all from his upbringing....likely socialization and anxiety are his current issues. But these inborn feelings are struggles which began while living in a stressful household. So, maybe its not me, as my husband is the one who cant change, and I can and have changed. So, maybe its more my projection, or guilt from the past once again, rather than his issue being spefically about me. Unless he is still in denial. hes a great kid, and does well in college.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Dear Dawn,

Your best approach would be to make him welcome. He is not hugging you in the way YOU want him to, but he is the way HE wants to, by dropping by.

He just wants to see you. Be glad and don't push him away. If you do this you will have less chance of talking to him. His visit was a positive event. Try not to make it into a negtive issues which will be bad for both of you.

He doesn't want to discuss his personal issues but he wants your motherly presence. Give him that, for that is what he wants and needs from you. Don't worry about the details and causes. He has a therapist. You need to be mom.

I wish you great joy with your son.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thank you Elliott. I agree. DID I push him away by asking clarity? I felt relieved it wasnt about me. I was surprised by his defensiveness, when I texted him, because I did not and do not pry. I didnt say, you didnt hug me. I said, I noticed you were alouf or distant.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
He just wants your maternal (holy) presence. All mothers are miraculous to their children and maybe more so to sons, in normal households.

When you ask for clarity you are asking hims to put into words feelings that he might not be able to describe or might not want to delve into. Perhaps he felt put on the spot. Judging by his reaction it would be better to leave him be the next time.

Warm regards,

Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

If it means anything, even being in his presence is a gift to me. I love him to death. By the way, I have severe pain today, and am ultra sensitive so under normal circumstances, I may not have said anything and let it be. Yes, going forward, I will continue to the motherly presence, which is enough.Well it was great to see him

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