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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his sister. It seems

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his sister. It seems as though we can't do anything without him wanting her and her boyfriend to be there as well. he plans everything around her. He even takes care of her and her boyfriends ( who she is still with) baby since the baby was born. he has the baby weeks at a time. One time after he had had the baby for a week and she came to visit, she actually walked in and didn't even look at HER baby and sat down to watch a movie on her laptop. whenever we did go out with his sister he would only talk to her and i felt left out everytime. He even went as far as almost pushing me out of the chair i was sitting in to sit next to her. Because of his obsession with his sister and him having to take care of her baby i barely get to see him. I don't know if i'm wrong or if i am being jealous of his sister and the baby. I feel like it is horrible to feel jealous of the baby too but his sister and the baby's dad are very capable of watching her theirselves. Am I wrong? ~ AMBER ~
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very concerning, since what you describe here does seem very dysfunctional and unhealthy.

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX to ask someone i don't know if i'm wrong

Customer:

i thought it was unhealthy as well

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It does not only show they have a very codependent attachment - relationship, but how she could literally neglect her own maternal role and responsiiblity while he plays such role, while neither she nor hr boyfriends happen to have any physical nor mental disabilities.

Customer:

they are very capable of raising the baby.. the baby is 10 moths now and has been with him sisnce she was born

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Obviously he has been seriously neglecting you and your relationship, and how words and behaviors shows his inability and unwillingness to even acknowledge how unhealthy all this situation is. Are they minors or disabled?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very concerning then.

Customer:

no not in any way... the dad is 30 the sister is 21

Customer:

he doesnt seem to have time for me anymore since the baby was born

Customer:

i feel like i'm being ridiculous but at the same time i feel like i'm right about the situation

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry Amber, but it does not look any good and I do not feel hopeful at all about your relationship, since the concrete scenario you depict here shows a lot of dysfunction and codependency, besides of how he easily neglect and does not even respect or take into account your feelings, core needs and expectations.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

There is nothing ridiculous in your behavior, it is about common sense, and this is obviously very dysfunctional.

Customer:

i didn't think so.. he even said something about moving in with his sister and her boyfriend and he would be taking care of the baby

Customer:

when he told me so many reasons why he couldn't move in with me

Customer:

and we have been togeather for two years

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I did not think it could get even worse, but it seems it can and very easily

Customer:

i have tried so hard to cope with this situation but i have a son myself and i wanted us to be a family but i don't see it happening

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think you need to carefully reassess what you need and expect from this relationship, being totally truthful with yourself, realistic and very aware of what you are really willing to afford or not here. Then take consistent actions, reminding yourself that your first need, right and responsibility is to take good care of yourself, in order for you to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships, and not to allow anybody to use, abuse, manipulate or neglect you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very sad and frustrating, and you are right, there is nothing here showing you or giving any real hope that your plan would happen with this person all,

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not see how he could respect, take good care and support you and your son at all, unless he transform himself and changes all these dysfunctional ways.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If he happens to change, it would take long term work on himself, and I believe ti would rewuire consistent mental health professional support

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX i thought... everything was fine before his sister had the baby. i almost regret fighting for her when their mother wanted ana to have an abortion

Customer:

i don't believe in abortion though and thats why i fought for her to have the baby

Customer:

i didn't know it would end up being like this

Customer:

thank you for your advise

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. I am sorry, this is very painful, but you did what you felt was right, being consistent with yourself, values and responsible as an adult, while they seem far away from being in touch with reality, around how to live as healthy and responsible adults, rising a baby with healthy affection and wisdom.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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