Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation.
This is very concerning, since what you describe here does seem very dysfunctional and unhealthy.
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX to ask someone i don't know if i'm wrong
i thought it was unhealthy as well
It does not only show they have a very codependent attachment - relationship, but how she could literally neglect her own maternal role and responsiiblity while he plays such role, while neither she nor hr boyfriends happen to have any physical nor mental disabilities.
they are very capable of raising the baby.. the baby is 10 moths now and has been with him sisnce she was born
Obviously he has been seriously neglecting you and your relationship, and how words and behaviors shows his inability and unwillingness to even acknowledge how unhealthy all this situation is. Are they minors or disabled?
This is very concerning then.
no not in any way... the dad is 30 the sister is 21
he doesnt seem to have time for me anymore since the baby was born
i feel like i'm being ridiculous but at the same time i feel like i'm right about the situation
I am sorry Amber, but it does not look any good and I do not feel hopeful at all about your relationship, since the concrete scenario you depict here shows a lot of dysfunction and codependency, besides of how he easily neglect and does not even respect or take into account your feelings, core needs and expectations.
There is nothing ridiculous in your behavior, it is about common sense, and this is obviously very dysfunctional.
i didn't think so.. he even said something about moving in with his sister and her boyfriend and he would be taking care of the baby
when he told me so many reasons why he couldn't move in with me
and we have been togeather for two years
I did not think it could get even worse, but it seems it can and very easily
i have tried so hard to cope with this situation but i have a son myself and i wanted us to be a family but i don't see it happening
I think you need to carefully reassess what you need and expect from this relationship, being totally truthful with yourself, realistic and very aware of what you are really willing to afford or not here. Then take consistent actions, reminding yourself that your first need, right and responsibility is to take good care of yourself, in order for you to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships, and not to allow anybody to use, abuse, manipulate or neglect you.
This is very sad and frustrating, and you are right, there is nothing here showing you or giving any real hope that your plan would happen with this person all,
I do not see how he could respect, take good care and support you and your son at all, unless he transform himself and changes all these dysfunctional ways.
If he happens to change, it would take long term work on himself, and I believe ti would rewuire consistent mental health professional support
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX i thought... everything was fine before his sister had the baby. i almost regret fighting for her when their mother wanted ana to have an abortion
i don't believe in abortion though and thats why i fought for her to have the baby
i didn't know it would end up being like this
thank you for your advise
You're welcome. I am sorry, this is very painful, but you did what you felt was right, being consistent with yourself, values and responsible as an adult, while they seem far away from being in touch with reality, around how to live as healthy and responsible adults, rising a baby with healthy affection and wisdom.
Thank you for your trust.