we were together 9 months, it finished 1 year and 9 months ago.
I take the blame, I was VERY depressed at the time and spiralling out of control with my emotions..I was teary and unwell basically. I accused him of doing something silly that he did not, I acted stupid. I told someone else what I thought he did, so essentially, he thinks of me as a "rat". He was heartless towards me then. He, I suppose was hurt by my stupidity etc. He ended it. I have apologised every way I can think of and I get no response. I tried to be friends but he is not interested in a just friends thing, he told me that enough times. However, he follows me online in a social network site and keeps up with all I do. He has contacted me through a profile and essentially said "sorry" (this only happened recently) It's a long story, but I know it was him. He is a stubborn man, to even do that would have taken a lot. I do take the blame for it all going wrong as my behaviour because of my depression was irrational. Neither of us were perfect I suppose. It's hard to explain to you, but he is the love of my life..I messed it up, I wish and hope and pray that someday there will be a way to make it up, to reconnect, if only even he'd actually talk to me, to once and for all just clear the air.
I don't know how to explain this without sounding obsessed and a bit off the wall, I feel that there is something there, that this is unfinished....there is always something pulling me to him..
I do feel hopeless about it I suppose, I suppose, I wish is there a way for me to somehow get talking to him..without annoying him, or harassing him...I know all this time has gone by...it possibly means that I am just being a fool, I'm being silly, but I cannot help hoping all the time.
Hi again, you know, the weirdest thing happened today. I get my online astrology reading of love life every day from a site today, this is what it said, now I am freaking out....this is it..
You may begin a relationship now, boldly taking the initiative to pursue someone you want to be with. You will come on strong to this person, but he or she might just love it! If you don't take a risk to find out you won't ever know, so be gentle with yourself and the person you've got your heart set on and go for it!
honestly, the reason I pay attention to this guy's reading is he is good and genuine, he's spiritual and has been spot on with another reading about me, not a prediction, just a reading about me.
This horoscope though scares me, funny I go to you yesterday for advice and today that is the reading I get...He's the one I want, but then when I read that my heart sank, I got scared, I think I cannot handle any more rejection or him ignoring me, it sort of kills me a bit each time. I wish more than anything he'd just come to me, but, I'm also scared if I don't he'll never..as I think he likes me chasing him...perhaps, lol
My heart tells me to do it, but I don't have the words to put out there.
my head says not to..
I suppose I need to do something to either forget and put it behind me (but this seems impossible so far, everytime I move along a bit and start to forget he seems to pop up to remind me of him)
I sometimes think he just wants me to want him all the time,but he's just teasing me..
I do over think everything also.
What would you do, if you were in my shoes? I feel absolutely tortured for the last nearly 2 years about this..
are you still able to answer my reply here? or do I have to ask again ? thanks
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