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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I want the love of my life back, it doesnt feel over even

Customer Question

I want the love of my life back, it doesn't feel over even though it's been 2 years now..I find it impossible to not think of him and move on, I don't want anyone else.
I don't know what to say to him, I don't know where to start, I don't know should I text him, phone him, mail him..Please help.
See no point in telling me to forget and move on and come to terms with it, as that ain't gonna happen, I have tried everything, he is the love of my life and I suppose I will be hoping and dreaming and praying for the rest of my life that he comes back to me..
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 11 months ago.
Hi,

I would like to help. Could you please tell me a little about the history in order for me to help better. For example how long were you together and separated. What was it that caused the separation and how does he currently respond to you.

Looking forward to your response.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

we were together 9 months, it finished 1 year and 9 months ago.


I take the blame, I was VERY depressed at the time and spiralling out of control with my emotions..I was teary and unwell basically. I accused him of doing something silly that he did not, I acted stupid. I told someone else what I thought he did, so essentially, he thinks of me as a "rat". He was heartless towards me then. He, I suppose was hurt by my stupidity etc. He ended it. I have apologised every way I can think of and I get no response. I tried to be friends but he is not interested in a just friends thing, he told me that enough times. However, he follows me online in a social network site and keeps up with all I do. He has contacted me through a profile and essentially said "sorry" (this only happened recently) It's a long story, but I know it was him. He is a stubborn man, to even do that would have taken a lot. I do take the blame for it all going wrong as my behaviour because of my depression was irrational. Neither of us were perfect I suppose. It's hard to explain to you, but he is the love of my life..I messed it up, I wish and hope and pray that someday there will be a way to make it up, to reconnect, if only even he'd actually talk to me, to once and for all just clear the air.


 


I don't know how to explain this without sounding obsessed and a bit off the wall, I feel that there is something there, that this is unfinished....there is always something pulling me to him..


I do feel hopeless about it I suppose, I suppose, I wish is there a way for me to somehow get talking to him..without annoying him, or harassing him...I know all this time has gone by...it possibly means that I am just being a fool, I'm being silly, but I cannot help hoping all the time.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 11 months ago.
I do understand where you are coming from. It is good that you realized your mistakes because that is the first step to change. However, try not to bring yourself down by continuing to hold on to the guilt. You have learned from this and grew. Now it is time to let go of the guilt in order to live a fulfilling life for yourself and if he does come back be will find you in a much better place. Don't punish yourself more than the pain you are already feeling by not being with him. It is difficult to get him back since he is not willing to speak to you. However, that was huge by him apologizing. I would try to write him a letter or an email explaining pretty much what you explained to me and how truly sorry you are. Express how you have changed and want nothing more than to not just tell him, but to show him through your actions. If he is following you on these social networks shows that he still does have an interest in you and probably is being stubborn. Lots of time did pass, but him doing this is a good sign. I commend you on not giving up on your love, but I don't want you to live in pain if he does not come back. Continue to do your part to express your love such as the letter without being overly obsessive as you even mentioned because that will only backfire. But more importantly take care of yourself in order to be happy in any situation and like I said if be does come back you will be that much better for yourself, him, and the relationship.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Hi again, you know, the weirdest thing happened today. I get my online astrology reading of love life every day from a site today, this is what it said, now I am freaking out....this is it..

 

You may begin a relationship now, boldly taking the initiative to pursue someone you want to be with. You will come on strong to this person, but he or she might just love it! If you don't take a risk to find out you won't ever know, so be gentle with yourself and the person you've got your heart set on and go for it!

 

honestly, the reason I pay attention to this guy's reading is he is good and genuine, he's spiritual and has been spot on with another reading about me, not a prediction, just a reading about me.

 

This horoscope though scares me, funny I go to you yesterday for advice and today that is the reading I get...He's the one I want, but then when I read that my heart sank, I got scared, I think I cannot handle any more rejection or him ignoring me, it sort of kills me a bit each time. I wish more than anything he'd just come to me, but, I'm also scared if I don't he'll never..as I think he likes me chasing him...perhaps, lol

 

My heart tells me to do it, but I don't have the words to put out there.

my head says not to..

 

I suppose I need to do something to either forget and put it behind me (but this seems impossible so far, everytime I move along a bit and start to forget he seems to pop up to remind me of him)

I sometimes think he just wants me to want him all the time,but he's just teasing me..

I do over think everything also.

 

What would you do, if you were in my shoes? I feel absolutely tortured for the last nearly 2 years about this..

 

are you still able to answer my reply here? or do I have to ask again ? thanks

 

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I am still waiting for a response to my further reply below, I keep on getting alerts about this question, but there has been no further response on it.

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