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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi. Okay. I have a problem. See I miss this one guy so much.

Resolved Question:

Hi. Okay. I have a problem. See I miss this one guy so much. I don't know why I miss him so much. We barely know each other. I bet he doesn't think about me. That's what hurts the most. But tonight when I thought about him, I wanted to cry over him, but for some reason, I just couldn't. And when I was on the verge of crying, the feeling would just go away. I've tried to listen to sad songs to try and help me let it out. But it I still couldn't cry. And this has never happened to me before. Before tonight, if I thought about him and I wanted to cry over him I was able to. I don't understand what is happening to me. Why have I become so...emotionless???

By the way, I think you should know, that this guy is a performer. I met him only four times. But the first time I met him, he was so good to me, that I started to feel a connection to him that he probably doesn't feel for me. But each time I met with him he was so nice to me. And I believe he was genuine. And another thing, he's married. But I am okay with that, and I respect that. I know some of you might think me an immature obsessed teen fan girl. But trust me. That's NOT what I am. I am a mature 31 year old. I respect people's personal space. And if a person is married or in a relationship, I don't go and try to ruin their relationship.

But anyway, back on the real problem. I just can't figure out what is preventing me to cry over him. I miss him so much. And I want to cry, but I just can't do it. What's wrong with me???
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.

Customer: Hi. Sorry I took so long
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When you saw this person or when you think about him, did-does he reminds you of somebody else? Does he sounds like somebody you know or miss? or his niceness and being that genuine trigger in you so much feelings that you truly feel good within yourself?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No problem

Customer: No. I don't think so
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Most of what we all feel is not something we consciously control or produce, but comes from a subconscious level.

Customer: what does that mean?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's obvious that having met this person has triggered many feeligns within you

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Some of them you consider very intense and obviously lead you to feel special, like how genuine and nice he has been towards you

Customer: okay
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you consider kindness and honesty, being real as very important in a person and in relationships?

Customer: Yes
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you tell me why you think-feel this way?

Customer: Which way?
Customer: i'm sorry for being slow. Some times it's hard for me to understand what people are trying to say to me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You said you "do" consider kindness and being "genuine" as very important, then my question is about that.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No problem

Customer: well, if you don't have kindness and honesty, it's hard to maintain a relationship with somebody. After all, who would want a relationship with somebody mean?
Customer: or dishonest?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely. I fully agree with you. Have you experienced any relationship where any of these two core ingredients have been missing?

Customer: No
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then they have always been present in your romantic relationships, even when they ended, right?

Customer: If people are not kind with me, then I don't want anything to do with them, so I don't bother with those people. I know that sounds kind of harsh
Customer: Oh. I've never had any romantic relationships
Customer: I thought you were just talking about friendships
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, why is that?

Customer: I am so sorry I misunderstood you.
Customer: let's just say, I am not very good at picking up guys.
Customer: I am not the most attractive person in the world
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But if you have never been in a romantic relationship how could you know that?

Customer: I don't think anyone would want to go out with me. I've tried to get boyfriends
Customer: i've told guys that I've had crushes on how I felt about them, and they've all told me they would never love me. So I gave up
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know that, it seems that you think it's because of your physical appearance? Why you feel this way?

Customer: I don't know.
Customer: it kind of hurts to talk about it.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know these people have been this way towards you. I agree, it's hurtful to hear somebody stating that, I think it is disrespectful and even abusive

Customer: i guess that's why they're called "crushes" right?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then perhaps this is why the way this new person's kindness has been so powerful for you, it felt real, genuine.

Customer: Well, they weren't mean about it. It's because they were in love with somebody else, and I didn't know they were until they told me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

These are core values for you, and it seems you got very touched by meeting a person showing them in this very real way.

Customer: they've all said the same thing to me. They've all said that they think I am a nice person, and that they were really flattered and touched
Customer: But were already in love with somebody else
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, but you also said it was because they were already in love with other people , right?

Customer: yeahelse yeah.
Customer: yeah, I mean
Customer: Sorry. This iPad keyboard is giving me problems
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Perhaps what happened with this man is that you truly felt connected and impacted by his personality, this kindness and authenticity, an that tiggerred all these feelings within you.

Customer: Okay
Customer: (Sighs) God knows. I try to be good to people
Customer: I gave this man a lot of gifts when he was in Vegas. Now that his show isn't playing anymore, I have no idea where he is
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

At the same time it seems you have had a very tough and painful time trying to find a good boyfriend, since every tie eyou have tried they have told you they were already in love with other people and that they would never love you/

Customer: A lot of people I've talked to about this man, have all told me I should let him go. And I guess they're right
Customer: But I just can't let him go
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I support that, once it seems you have had a hard time trying to find a boyfriend, and that every time you wanted to start smething, you found out the other person was not feeling the same, was already in love with somebody else, which is just very sad and frustrating

Customer: Yeah. I've given up on trying to get a boyfriend two years ago. I just thought, to hell with it.
Customer: I don't need nor want a romantic relationship
Customer: Anymore
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It appears you have got too attached to this person, when aware that he has a life, is a public person, and that there is nothing else between you.

Customer: yeah
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, but at the same time you do not want to let go the emotional attachment you have created around this person

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems to have become an obsession then, a painful one

Customer: I want to try and let him go. But I can't. For many reasons. I don't want to possibly hurt his feelings. I still like him and care about him, etc
Customer: I just can't figure out what to say to him.
Customer: I just need to pray to God for strength. To help see me through.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please explain a little bit about how you could hurt his feelings? I though you said he is an actor and you just med him 4 times, that there is no relationship between you, that his married. Then how could you hurt his feelings?

Customer: well, he was good to me, and I thought he seemed to take a liking to me, and at times I thought he cared about me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(you just MET him... that HE'S married)

Customer: i almost thought we were friends. At that time, I was still obsessed with him
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I truly believe he did but what leads you to believe that because of that he could have a romantic relationship with you if he has already a life, a wife, and if you just met 4 times?

Customer: Hang on. I'm thinking
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good that you acknowledge that this is an obsession. It should be addressed as such in order for you to rehabilitate from it.

Customer: I get a little wreckless and stupid when it comes to this stuff. I have to admit. I am prone to quick infatuation. But not like in Fatal Attraction.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please, if you have been feeling this much, this obsessed, regardless what your own friends have suggested, then I think you really need extra support to rehabilitate from this obsession, since it is not allowing you to live a healthy life.

Customer: I would never let it get that bad. I'm smarter than that. I am happy that he is married and I want them to stay together
Customer: I just wanted us to be friends
Customer: But I realize that's not realistic. So I just tell myself, he and I are not friends
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then please look for individual and group psychotherapy for you to work on yourself on these areas, for you to rehabilitate from this obsession and to be able to feel better about yourself and around romantic relationships.

Customer: I will try.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I totally agree with you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's the healthiest and wisest approach

Customer: i actually don't think about him that much any more. And that I am being honest about.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

since you need and deserve to feel good and happy and to develop a fulfilling and happy relatiosnhip

Customer: i just got to much other stuff on my plate to think and worry about
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then I am relieved to know it's got better for you

Customer: thank's for your help. I will try to pay you as soon as I can. I'm just having a little problem with my credit card and Paypal. I have to go and rest up for work.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and have a good rest.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Remember to rate the session when possible. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Rafael M.T.Therapist
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MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach