Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.
When you saw this person or when you think about him, did-does he reminds you of somebody else? Does he sounds like somebody you know or miss? or his niceness and being that genuine trigger in you so much feelings that you truly feel good within yourself?
Most of what we all feel is not something we consciously control or produce, but comes from a subconscious level.
It's obvious that having met this person has triggered many feeligns within you
Some of them you consider very intense and obviously lead you to feel special, like how genuine and nice he has been towards you
Do you consider kindness and honesty, being real as very important in a person and in relationships?
Could you tell me why you think-feel this way?
You said you "do" consider kindness and being "genuine" as very important, then my question is about that.
Absolutely. I fully agree with you. Have you experienced any relationship where any of these two core ingredients have been missing?
Then they have always been present in your romantic relationships, even when they ended, right?
I see, why is that?
But if you have never been in a romantic relationship how could you know that?
I am sorry to know that, it seems that you think it's because of your physical appearance? Why you feel this way?
I am sorry to know these people have been this way towards you. I agree, it's hurtful to hear somebody stating that, I think it is disrespectful and even abusive
Then perhaps this is why the way this new person's kindness has been so powerful for you, it felt real, genuine.
These are core values for you, and it seems you got very touched by meeting a person showing them in this very real way.
I see, but you also said it was because they were already in love with other people , right?
Perhaps what happened with this man is that you truly felt connected and impacted by his personality, this kindness and authenticity, an that tiggerred all these feelings within you.
At the same time it seems you have had a very tough and painful time trying to find a good boyfriend, since every tie eyou have tried they have told you they were already in love with other people and that they would never love you/
I support that, once it seems you have had a hard time trying to find a boyfriend, and that every time you wanted to start smething, you found out the other person was not feeling the same, was already in love with somebody else, which is just very sad and frustrating
It appears you have got too attached to this person, when aware that he has a life, is a public person, and that there is nothing else between you.
I see, but at the same time you do not want to let go the emotional attachment you have created around this person
It seems to have become an obsession then, a painful one
Could you please explain a little bit about how you could hurt his feelings? I though you said he is an actor and you just med him 4 times, that there is no relationship between you, that his married. Then how could you hurt his feelings?
(you just MET him... that HE'S married)
I truly believe he did but what leads you to believe that because of that he could have a romantic relationship with you if he has already a life, a wife, and if you just met 4 times?
Good that you acknowledge that this is an obsession. It should be addressed as such in order for you to rehabilitate from it.
Please, if you have been feeling this much, this obsessed, regardless what your own friends have suggested, then I think you really need extra support to rehabilitate from this obsession, since it is not allowing you to live a healthy life.
Then please look for individual and group psychotherapy for you to work on yourself on these areas, for you to rehabilitate from this obsession and to be able to feel better about yourself and around romantic relationships.
I totally agree with you.
It's the healthiest and wisest approach
since you need and deserve to feel good and happy and to develop a fulfilling and happy relatiosnhip
I see, then I am relieved to know it's got better for you
You're very welcome Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and have a good rest.
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