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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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My ex and I recently broke up. Needless to say, this relationship

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My ex and I recently broke up. Needless to say, this relationship has been on and off for too long and I am sure it is best we stay apart. My only issue is, he has some of my stuff that i'd like back. Sentimental value and also monetary value. A I went a little haywire and had sent a few inconsiderate, immature messages in a fury to get my belongings back, I do feel terrible and apologized. He said he'd drop it off with a coworker while I was off but has not done so. So, I sent him an e-mail letting him know the best times to drop it off to avoid running into each other. So far, I have not heard from him and not seen a sign of my belongings. I know him well enough to know he would never go against my wishes by much. I've had another friend contact him to get it back but all I got was a nasty text about involving others in our affairs. How do I gently go about getting it back?
Hello and thank you for using JA,
I am sorry that you are experiencing all this frustration. I have taken note that the operative word here is "gently". Since strong emotions have been a part of trying to get these things in the past, I am going to recommend that you do nothing for one week. The ball is in his court, let him play it. However, if he has not fulfilled his promise to return the things in one week, then resume communication about it but in a very reasonable way: first, email (least personal); if no response in one day, then text; and finally (if necessary) by phone call of no response to text. Keep all of these forms of communication business-like and unemotional.

I know....easier said than done... but at this point, emotional confrontation is just going to be aggravating to you...why open yourself up to it. Hopefully, giving him the week leeway will work.

Good luck and warm regards
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

That is my problem, I am very emotional. I do miss him very much but all we do is hurt each other continuously. Part of me just wants him to keep my belongings so we don't have to talk further but these things aren't things I can't easily replace. Would it still be okay to have other people contact him? Talking to him myself makes it harder for me.

Hi again Kelsey,
No, it would not be okay to have someone contact him (that did not set well with him). See what his next move is before deciding yours.
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