Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation
Based on your story, even when it is brief, what you depict seems very clear
For a person to present all these abusive and dysfunctional behaviors, there must be very serious mental health and personality disorders, and when this is the case, it is unrealistic that such a person would literally transform herself in a short period of time into a healthy, assertive and responsible person.
I am not saying that these changes are impossible, but I am stating that for significant improvements to happen in a person who has presented serious issues like the ones you reported, the person would need to commit to her rehabilitation process with necessary professional treatment, which would take long term work, and really hard work plus a solid and healthy support system
Most times this only happens after the person undergoes serious pain and has to afford several consequences from her behaviors, and as stated before, it would take long term work, it would not happen in a few months for sure
Thank you for joining the chat
Could you please tell me how long did it take for you to get back together and what led you to trust this person after all these serious issues and victimization?
we had been together for 1 year. She had been doing all these immoral acts through out the course of the entire year. We seperated for 3 weeks and got back together. She has been amazing the past 9 months. A little too amazing, as she transforms herself and her life to anything to benefit me. If I say I like the color purple, she starts wearing purple hair bands. If I say i like a certain brand of shirt, she starts wearing similar shirts. All seems like red flags to me. To answer your question, she started going to therapy and confessed all the things she did wrong and said that if she made one more mistake, I never had to talk to her again. I gave it a chance, and she has been good for 9 months. Her therapy sessions did stop after about 6 weeks.
I see. Yes, this seems too good to be true, and this is why if you choose to take the risk, please be very mindful and alert, do not expose yourself too much, financially or in any other way or you could end much more wounded and hurt than before.
my gut tells me that whether she is a sociopath or just a young girl that was lost in life, she performed acts of immorality that I do not agree with. She abused me and lied to my face day after day. Whether she is changing herself or not, the act has already been done and it is in my best interest to take part ways. I risk losing somebody that has maybe changed or I risk getting screwed again.
Manipulation, denial, secrecy, avoidance, justification, dishonesty and many more core issues use to be present and when skillfully combined, lead people with these serious disorders to become expert manipulators, and the fact you have allowed her into your life, proofs you are very vulnerable and she know that very well. Please be very careful and keep your support system actively helping you , for them to be alert and support you during this process, since what you already experienced before could be happening and become obvious at any moment, but much more serious than before.
If you haven't already, please commit to your own therapeutic process with psychotherapeutic support, in this way you would be taking good care of yourself, preventing new issues, coping better and becoming more aware of reality and what needs to be changed and improved.
Joining a support group for codependency would be very helpful too.
would you advise parting ways with an in person discussion or with this situation is it best to do differently?
I think it would be much better and safer (because of the manipulation power you have allowed this person to have) to do it by a letter, where you clearly let her know about your decision, setting boundaries and making it clear you would noo contact her again nor engage in any form of communication.
From there everything would be about consistency taking actions to take good care of yourself and protect from this person, from changing phone number, blocking-social networking accounts, and everything else that depends on you to support your rehabilitation process from this person.
Remember that your support system needs to be well aware of your situation and actively support you for this to work.
Does it make sense?
Yes, this does make sense and I agree with your advice. I will make sure support system is in place. You have been EXTREMELY helpful and I can't thank you enough. thank you, XXXXX XXXXX thank you.
You're very welcome. I am very glad to know it has been this helpful. Please take gentle care and consistent actions with adequate support.
Feel free to contact me as necessary since I am here willing to follow up and support you as possible.
Thank you for your trust
Bye for now.
thank you. bye
Hello Rafael, are you available?
I talked to you a few weeks ago regarding a relationship. I succesfully walked away by sending an email stating that I was done and that there would be no further communication. She replied by saying this isn't right and asking for a chance to atleast talk. I ignored. I have not heard anything from her since. However, I made the mistake by looking at a blog that she posts pictures and sayings on. She posted a message last night that stated "how can you just walk away and decide someone isn't important anymore. I want to understand. I need closure". Since our breakup the first time after I discovered everything she was doing, she has been great, as far as I know. Do I owe her an explanation to give her closure?
i understand your points. I am going to ignore her blog post. the message was on a bulletin that is visible to general public. If she sends me a direct message asking for reasons so she can have closure, I will reach back to you for advice. This is most likely just a test from her to see if I am still there. I don't want to give her anything to work with. thank you very much again!