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RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I met a guy at a conference in June (we were introduced through

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I met a guy at a conference in June (we were introduced through a colleague, and it was recommended we meet to discuss business). We hit it off instantly, both from a professional and friendship standpoint. We talk at least 2x a week on the phone (I am based in Boston, he in DC); the conversations are a combination of both work and personal updates. He is also participating in a business conference my company is running on the west coast next month. When I was in DC for work a few weeks ago, we went to a hockey game together (he has season tickets), and he also showed up unannounced at my hotel lobby first thing in the morning the day after I arrived, and called to see if I wanted to grab coffee. What makes this situation weird and guilts me out is that I am married, and he has a girlfriend (we never talk about our significant others with each other). He is a very kind person, and he likes to help. I want to make sure I'm not misreading anything he has been doing.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see you are concern about this situation and the relationship you have been building.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me more about your fears and what you think you may have been misreading here?

Customer:

My fear is I feel an attraction to him (and I think it's mutual). Our phone calls typically last about an hour, which i find unusual for work calls (unless it's a conference call). I share a great deal with him: personal stories about myself, family, friends--and he with me. I am not one to open up like that. We just feel very comfortable around each other in what I feel to be a short amount of time. But perhaps I just lucked out and we connected on a friend level.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for replying.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I totally agree with you. Everything you describe about your relationship seems to show there is this mutual attraction and that both of you spontaneously and willingly have looked for it from the very beginning, enjoying every time you have spent together and obviously not having a problem sharing this way, with so much closeness and intimacy , regarding the fact you are married and he has a girlfriend. It would be unrealistic to believe he has been honest with her about it, and that each of you truly feel fulfilled in you own committed relationship, otherwise you would not be allowing yourselves to share the way you had.

Customer:

While my head tells me to ignore all this, my heart feels differently. Is it worth tabling this with him to discuss, or do we just continue the way we have been. Does this situation even need an answer at this point.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It all depends on what you expect from it. If what you want is to develop a friendship from it, then your actions would point at that. If what you want is to get romantically/sexually involved with this person, then your actions would focus on promoting that. Independently of your choice, please be very mindful about what you are really willing to afford or not from this situation, for you to feel comfortable and not to regret it afterwards.

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