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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My live in girlfriend just found out two days ago that I cheated

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My live in girlfriend just found out two days ago that I cheated on her once. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and have been living together for about six months. We each have a child 5 and 8 that live with us. Over the past two days she has gone from being in shock to being really mad. She has gone back and forth a lot from telling me to leave to telling me that she wants me to stay. When she found out I sat down with her and she yelled and screamed and ask a lot of questions. I just sat there and answered all her questions and was totally honest and kept apologizing. Last night she told me she was done and I asked, well truthfully I begged her to agree to try counseling with me. She agreed. Both nights she has asked me to sleep on the couch which I did, but through out the night she would come get me and ask me to come to bed with her, and then would ask me to be intimate with her. After that happened last night she told me she really doesn't want to leave me, but is just so mad at me right now that she doesn't know if she can ever forgive me. This morning I hugged her good bye and told her I loved her as we left for work. She apologized for being so angry the night before and I told her that she does not need to apologize. I guess my questions is what do I do know to make the first step towards working on fixing this. I screwed up major. Hurt her really bad and never want to hurt her like that again. I really don't want to lose her. If after the first counseling session she tells me to leave does that mean it a all over? Do I give her more time then waiting to are of she changes her mind. She seems so broken up and I just want to do whatever I can to help her heal."
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 11 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think what you've been doing already is the best way to approach and work on it. I'd just say that trying is OK, but doing it with %100 honesty and consistency is what is needed here.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It would not ensure you would stay or get back together, but it would the best you could offer for your relationship to heal and grow from it, as long as she wants to work on it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I'd say that words are important, very important, must always be honest and express respect, love, understanding and support, but without consistent actions showing they are true, they would become useless and manipulative; then please focus on showing her through concrete actions without exceptions , that you really feel sorry fr what you did, that you have taken full responsibility for it and are willing to do everything in your power to deserve her trust, respect and affection back.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If after the first counseling sessions she asks you to leave, then please respect her decision and every boundary she sets, in that way you would show her that you really care about her and about your relationship. and that even if she chooses to end it now, that you would work on yourself to deserve her back, but only in case she happens to feel that's what she wants and not because of you pushing her at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 11 months ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 11 months ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
4:16 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
4:17 PM
I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.
4:18 PM
I think what you've been doing already is the best way to approach and work on it. I'd just say that trying is OK, but doing it with %100 honesty and consistency is what is needed here.
4:19 PM
It would not ensure you would stay or get back together, but it would the best you could offer for your relationship to heal and grow from it, as long as she wants to work on it.
4:23 PM
I'd say that words are important, very important, must always be honest and express respect, love, understanding and support, but without consistent actions showing they are true, they would become useless and manipulative; then please focus on showing her through concrete actions without exceptions , that you really feel sorry fr what you did, that you have taken full responsibility for it and are willing to do everything in your power to deserve her trust, respect and affection back.
4:26 PM
If after the first counseling sessions she asks you to leave, then please respect her decision and every boundary she sets, in that way you would show her that you really care about her and about your relationship. and that even if she chooses to end it now, that you would work on yourself to deserve her back, but only in case she happens to feel that's what she wants and not because of you pushing her at all.
4:26 PM
Does it make sense?

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