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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Long story short. My boyfriend and I live 2 hours apart from

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Long story short. My boyfriend and I live 2 hours apart from each other. He has a 12-year-old daughter and has made comments for his child's sake about him and her mother, that offended me, as the woman he claims to love so intensely over. We had such a huge argument that it encompassed every weakness we shared, attacking our insecurities, looks, jobs and families.
Unlike him, I cannot sleep or eat and I've been grinding my teeth so much that they are breaking. I cannot stop crying. I never professed my love to him, and I told him it was because I still have trust issues over the baby's mother. It doesn't help that he told his daughter that his favorite high school memory was meeting the mother. Or that if anyone were to hit the mother, he'd "beat the shit out of them." All for the child's sake....anyway, I begged him to stop hurting me, to answer my calls and texts..and he just mocked me, pointing out my desperation. We finally got to a point where we agreed to work on this.
But a day later, he chose to ignore me again. And I went right back to acting desperate, texting over 50 times, leaving voicemails and emails, and threatening to call the child's mother.
I threatened to end this relationship for good, and he still chose to ignore. This is the same man who told me he dreamt about seeing me old, how he never watches pornography because I'm more than enough, who wrote a song for me, and wants me to be his child's role model. What now?
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 9 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you with this question.

I understand how devastated and desperate you feel.

Your boyfriend is not showing any consideration for your feelings and your entire relationship foundation is crumbing under your feet.

You have been rightly afraid to commit to him because he talks and acts as if his heart still belongs to his ex-wife or daughter's mother.

It may only belong to his daughter, but he panders to her because he is afraid he will lose her and he has to make a show of preferring her mom to you by making these statements.

He is doing this for his own sake, desperate not to lose the child, and maybe, by extension, her mother.

I am not sure if he is really attached to the mother as well. That may be for show only.

NEVERTHELESS, he has treated you poorly and shows no empathy, which is not a good sign.

Right now you both need to cool down and not continue to do and say things that you cannot take back - and it seems that has already happened.

You have forgiven him, suggested a truce, and have done the right thing.

It is now up to him.

You cannot go back and beg him.

He may be a veriy controlling man with a need to dominate and an inability to feel any empathy for others. I don't know enough about him but this may be his nature and personality and will not change much.

Still, it is worth a try. If he does talk to you and he is not only civil but also cooperative, then you might suggest that you and he find a relationship therapist (LMFT) to help- you sort this out.

If I can be of further assistance, please get back to me.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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