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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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HI Kate, Hope you are well. I would like to ask your

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HI Kate,
Hope you are well. I would like to ask your opinion on something. If you remember, we spoke of weather I am looking to my son for my own needs or if he is distant. Today, when I got home from an appointment, he was at the house and it was nice to see him. We had a nice talk and short visit, as he had to get back for class. He did not look or act uncomfortable. He also didn't hug me when he left. He rarely does.
Hi Dee, I am well thank you! I appreciate you asking :)

It was very thoughtful of you to let what happened with your son go and to give him space. You are right that he might still be working on being able to be closer to you. Given his age this might take time. Adult children who are younger do not yet understand the importance of emotional closeness. They tend to think more of their own needs (not that your son is self centered- it is just the nature of younger adults) rather than how important closeness is. Add to that the issues from the past and his healing process from it, then you might need to continue to give him space until he works this out.

However, that does not need to stop you from expressing your feelings. You can reach out in other ways beside a hug, which might be too much for him now. Try touching his shoulder when you say goodbye. Or even the back of his hand. Those are both gestures that are neutral (think of how two friends might express feelings that way) and that allow you to connect to him while leaving him some barrier until he feels more comfortable hugging you. It also allows him to get used to connecting again with you in a gradual way.

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks kate, well taken. Good night

I am glad you are well.

You're welcome! Talk to you soon.

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