i'm sorry. this is my last question. as for what to do now? both of your answers seem to fit perfectly so im not sure if its one or the other so much as both. im the kind of guy who, hopeless romantic, doesn't see anything i can't work through in a relationship, and always thinks of the best. i know i probably made myself too available and put her in a mindset where i will always be there for her needs. She also does seem sad. she is like me in that i know people always view me as being happy and upbeat, but when im by myself i tend to start hurting and feeling empty for little to no reason.
last time i saw her i told her i didn't want her to talk to me anymore. this is the first time that I ever took a step ahead and told HER to leave ME alone.. i know i said it in anger and in hurt but still, it is the last memory of us she has as well. i assured it by blocking myself from her account and deleting her info on my phone. the only way we could talk now is if she ignored what i asked and texted me anyway. i know im still hurt and confused. and if she wanted to be in a relationship still i would, but should i?
im not going to risk it again unless she crawls back and proves she wont change her mind again (i cant risk being hurt like this a fifth time). Will she talk to me? if so, when? and what if she doesnt? (i know this is a lot of questions, im just being general, not literally asking for everything answered)
i felt happy. things are never perfect in any relationship but when we were together, we both were always smiling. it was pure magic. this past summer we had 3 long months together (longest time together we have ever had), and everything felt right. i thought maybe it was her bad time added to having to go right back to the long-distance way it was before making this hard. i thought it was just another rough period we would make it through that just happened to worsen because of her situation.
as for needs, i just want someone who cares is all. someone to talk to, laugh with, love and trust in, and when we both can, spend time together with.
your right through, i don't feel she tries as hard. but this is my perspective and i don't want it to seem she doesn't care. i know she has little free time. she has several times told me that since this is hurting me i could leave her alone. she said doesn't want to hurt me, and i believe her.
i just feel confused. which is the worst thing for someone like me. i look up spoilers to movies and endings to tv shows because im the kind of guy who doesn't like not having a solid foundation, and the worst thing here is feeling like everytime i land on solid ground it collapses around me. ill always want this, i know. i just havent been here before. i suppose the only thing i can do now is just hope though and wait right?
As a checkup question, we recently started texting again, and we just kept it simple. she went to her uncle's wedding (something i was supposed to go with her to but couldnt because of a mandatory work retreat). During this time, she messaged me that she was thinking of me, and missed me. When i asked, she said she thought it was a good thing she missed me, and we started messaging again. She seems more positive like she used to, and genuinely happy because we are making plans to see each other and to do things together (movies, trips, etc), and she keeps talking about how she wants to do these things with me. i asked her if she feels better and why she felt down at first (she said "maybe just too much going on at once"). She feels she is slowly getting better, but it just depends on the day really. overall i know i should feel happier, but i can't shake this feeling due to all that's happened before. Should i bother getting my hopes up? I feel maybe, if anything, i should wait until she brings up the relationship
Recently we had been talking and i visited this past weekend. but i made a mistake everyone had told me to avoid. When i was with her, even though we ended up having fun at a haunted trail and movies and such, i couldn't stop over thinking things. Was the intimate way she was acting how she acted with all her other 'friends' or was it because of our past? like holding my hand in the scary trail, or leaning her head on my lap during a movie at home. she said it was because it was me, but at one point i couldn't take the overload and ran out of the house. At the end of the weekend, i just pushed her further away i feel. she had, passingly mentioned that obviously i was holding onto hopes for us, and it was bad, so she was going to try to not text me to help me move on. But this week was bad and she never texted (for some reason, whenever we say we won't talk, it's always ME who breaks and calls first) so when she seemingly ignored me, at one point i snapped. i told her i realized how stupid i had been. after she had burned me and hurt me over and over and never given me any reason or solace as to why, that i had been stupid to still talk with her, and that whenever i DO ask for a reason or to talk about "us," she says i am pressuring her. i told her i just cant win no matter what. that i cant ever get anything. so im done. goodbye.
Recently we had another chat and im left with more questions than answers. it started off i asked her that, after we had been through, and the 8 weeks without a firm answer of why she decided to dump me, then ask me to stay because i make her happy, that if she needed to tell me SOMETHING or else i'd leave. forever. i said i get that she needs time, but i don't even know what she thinks of me, or about a chance for us in the future.
she didn't answer, just said she hated having an ultimatum of gone forever and made her sick to think that since i mean so much to her. i told her, after the five times she said she wanted to work on us and not give up hope on us, then deciding otherwise, then deriding me for getting my hopes up by saying im pressuring her, after hurting me so much, she cannot say ANYTHING at all, then i have to leave. i come back to visit her just ot make her smile (like this passed weekend), but whenever i want solace, i get shut down. then she doesnt message me. thats not caring for someone.she said she did this so i could get over things after i told her i wasnt leaving anytime soon and we could be friends. i countered, saying that even if we were friends, how would it feel if when she finally moved into a relationship, and it wasnt with me. then i said that we couldnt just be friends because even when we first met, we just clicked, to the point it, on it's own, progressed to something more (we were both talking to other people at the time, and it just happened). she says she did feel that way too, but she doesnt know whats wrong or what changed, but it isnt right for her to make promises she cant keep, and that she couldn't give me an answer now because it wouldnt be a yes, and she doesnt want to loose me forever. i confirmed i didn't want a yes or no now. i just wanted to know if, in her heart, after everything we've been through, here is hope. even a tiny bit. she said there was a tiny bit, but she doesnt want me to hold out hope just for her to let me down. she doesnt want to loose me as a friend, but doesnt want to do this to me either. we talked a bit, and she said she was a bad person for doing this to me, she knows.
she asked me what i wanted, and i said i dont know, i want to talk to each other still, be there for each other. make new memories together, and help her through this and make her happy so i can be too. at this point, she says she doesnt feel like the same person anymore, and it makes her sad. like she really feels she needs to see a doctor to get insight about why she changed and just became sad. she still feels connected to me, she thinks she always will, and deeply cares about me. when i asked her if it could become something more, she says she cant give me an answer, but if i need a cold turkey breakup, we can do that since this is so hard. i asked her simply as a confirmation if we could wait, for me to not talk to anyone and her to do the same while she works through this. she said she doesnt know if its just her needing time, that she thinks we just need a clean break. she says she cant keep doing this, it isnt right, because she cant make up her mind, and i deserve better than wishy washy. that maybe one day we will be able to be friends. she said shell be there when i need her, but she "isn't the girl she was when we started dating" and it's only going to hurt both of us to keep waiting for "that girl" to come back. she says she thinks for now it needs to be really over, this back and forth is hard for both of us and its not right and she needs to learn to make herself happy again.
At this point, ending the conversation, i was getting angry. i told her, after all the plans we made, the 2 months i've stuck around after the breakup when NOBODY else would, she decides to do this. i told her it was a waste, and she obviously doesnt give a care anymore. i told her if the girl i once loved just "left," then the guy who once loved her is gone now too, but that she was the one who "killed" him. she says she will go to the doctor, and is trying to do the right thing and will always be there for me, but hates hurting me and it's awful or her, then asked why i switched from being hopeful to mean? i only replied much later (which is why she hasnt answered), that everytime i'm hopeful she pushes me further away. i started to conversation intent on leaving forever (which she didnt like at all, saying she didn't want to just leave forever), only becoming negative when i started talking about being friends and me trying to make her happy and make new memories.
after this conversation, needless to say, i have a lot of questions. i don't really know. is she depressed? how can she just randomly flip a switch and not care so much about anything? can i still hope at all now? i want to still talk to her, because it is the highlight of my days, and i want to still be with her whenever i can, and make new memories. i want to spend thanksgiving and Christmas break with her like last year and help her remember again (it was only a week ago we would text about cuddling under a blanket with cocoa, or make plans to visit Richmond together, or the beach on new years), or just to make her realize i can make her happy (as i know whenever we are together and i'm not harassing her about this, she is genuinely happy (even saying she wished i lived there- making me think it is just the distance).
Relist: Other. things have changed, recent circumstances i've become aware of made the previous answers pretty much irrelevant, but i need an answer to this new question concerning the same issue
sorry, i looked at the option. i don't need a new person, just an answer to this situation (the same situation, as i detailed above, has changed in the post right above this one)