Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Thank you for remembering me and getting back to me.
Your story is sad, of course. You have lived it before, and I have heard it many times before from people who have been used by narcissist. Sometimes the victims are men, but more often they are women who are charmed by the lies, and manipulated an deceived, and then feel the crush of being used and abandoned.
You are learning the lesson painfully. Because you are trusting, lonely, and hopeful, you are vulnerable to being taken advantage of by a smooth narcissist who is experienced in getting what he wants. It is not so much about sex, but about control and domination.
There was no sweetness or passion, just unbridled lust which reduced you to a state of helplessness that he craved more than sexual release.
You should know where you stand: deceived and used and discarded.
You may still not be able to admit to yourself that you were taken advantage of, but you saw for yourself that he removed the mask of gentility and ravished you and gave you the kiss-off, or tried to when you gave him the cold-shoulder.
Remove him from your life. If you are lonely don't return to the old addiction, whether an insincere man or a bottle of whiskey.
There are lots of lonely people out there and that includes wonderful, kind, worthy men who would respect and cherish you if you ever gave them the chance.
There may be no pain-free option but it is less painful to let yourself heal from your pain then to keep walking into the same spinning propellor because you want to get on the plane and that is the only way in.
This man will never let you heal. You must rid yourself from him for all times.
You would do well to find and read this book. Here is a link in USA. I could not find it at collins books but it is a major book on the subject:
and also this book:
You must learn your lesson once and for good, and these books will take you there.
I shall keep you in my prayers for strength and deliverance.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC