Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming and painful situation.
Your story very clearly shows how overwhelming and destructive this addiction we call codependency could be, to the point of exposing yourself and children to further abuse, neglect, manipulation and trauma. It seems you have tried many sources of support but you have been relapsing over and over again. This is the way addictions work,, and that's why the person need too stick to individual psychotherapy and at least one support group, besides of having a healhty and effective support system helping you not to sabotage that easily
No matter how good individual therapy you could get and help from a support group; if you do not take consistent action preventing triggers and having a concrete plan to cope with temptations, you would always end relapsing over and over again. Remember, this is an addiction. Thus your psychotherapist must have built with you a contingency plan for you to implement as soon as you find yourself risking into new problems or old patterns, like calling him immediately, contacting your sponsor, calling your family support member and more. This is hard work but necessary if you truly want to rehabilitate, otherwise it would not work. It is tough but necessary and worthy. You need to learn to be more mindful and proactive, set healthy and clear limits and boundaries, and be more proactive, taking consistent action without excuse or delay.
I do not see you have nothing more to discuss with your wife, since she has become your "subject of addiction". Doe sit make sense?
Thank you for replying. I am sorry to see how easily you could self-sabotage, this shows how severe this addiction has undermined your personality and life.
You're very welcome. I am always %100 honest with people, if you truly want to rehabilitate from this addiction, you should not engage in any further exposure, or you would always find a good excuse to self-sabotage and every work made would vanish, leaving you more depressed and having to work much harder to get to the previous point, pushing away your chances for rehabilitation.
Your wife is like cocaine, you could feel instantly god for a little while, happy and fulfilled, loved and relieved, but then as fast as it came , this illusion would go away leaving you even worse than before using it. Thus there is no way for rehabilitation but not to use the drug, not exposing to it at all, or you would fool yourself, self-sabotage and relapse over again.
I am glad to know that. Please take gentle care and consistent action. I will be here to follow up, and to support you as much as possible.
You're welcome. Bye for now.