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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My husband texts his mistress everynight erthey srbd each other

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My husband texts his mistress everynight erthey srbd each other nude pictures of eachothr tell each other they love each other she had got pregnant they lost there son when she was six months they named the baby after him we don't share a bedroom he doesnt approach me for sex we haven't had sex in four years I love my husband but I believe he loves her they have known each other all there lives and grew up together
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 9 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very painful situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Only you know how overwhelmingly painful it has bee for you to undergo this situation

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me what has kept you in this marriage, while it is obvious how your husband does no love neither even respects you and that there is no real nor healthy relationship, sharing, affection, passion nor happiness between you, while he has a close relationship with this other woman?

Customer: I love him wanted too work when wrong first moved out of state we were doing a few things together but he still contacted this woman daily it's like she has a hold on him I never had she even talked about moving to our new state I told het d he couldn't move here I no in reality I cant stop her but it's like she has taken my husband and doesn't seem to care
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about it, but I think that this does not depend on this person only. She is available and has chosen your husband to have a relationship with, and as painful and frustrating as it sounds, she can do that, she has been doing that all this time and nobody can control it, no matter how wrong it could be. On the other hand, your husband has also chosen to have this affair with her regardless the fact that you are married, his behavior, as yo said, shows that they want to be together and have been doing so for this long through their daily and intimate relationship,while your marital relationship has been this poor or absent for all these years.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not believe he is a victim here, since both are are dults and they have been willingly sharign and enjoying their relationship all this long.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I truly think you love hi, otherwise you would not be there after all these time when your marital relationship has practically disappear, but on the other hand, he does not seem to feel the same at all, and they have been planing her relocation where he lives to get closer and continue deepening their relationship. Then there is nothing here that could show your husband respects, loves and cares about you, but he clearly has been building his relationship with his lover for all this long, and it seems to be getting stronger and closer for them.

Customer: The baby thing was so painful and they were keeping this baby we don't have kids together in your honest opinion is he in love with this woman she has apart of him I never had he shares things with her and them being friends all there lives it's a llosing battle I guess
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to confirm your fears, but everything seems to point at that, reality shows they are building and nurturing their relationship and planning to get closer to deepen it even more, then I do not see how your marriage could heal at all or become a healthy and fulfilling one, since everything shows it stopped being healthy and happy many years ago, when your marital life ended,a dn that the only thing you still have in common is the fact you live under the same roof, but that's it, and I cannot imagine how painful it could have been for you to go through this all these years, nobody needs nor deserves nothing like this at all.

Customer: I know just painful to except she has already been here once visting he tells her she is beautiful and sexy and he wants to make love to her they speak so free to each other I guess I'm in denial she has taken my husband and there is nothing I can do I've tried moving out of cc state didn't stop them
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems you have been suffering of denial as you just acknoledged it

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But again, I do not think he is a victim here but both have willingly chosen to build their relationship, and it is obvious they do not care at all about you, and that's why you need to come to terms with reality and start taking good care of yourself, to rebuild your life, and not to continue exposing yourself to this constant pain and suffering.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do look for a competent professional to support you with professional counseling , since this is a very tough situation and you need and deserve the best possible support to effectively cope and heal from it. Also consider joining a support group for codependency, since it would complement individual therapy and promote your rehabilitation process.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: Yes it does but it's so painful what does she have that I don't I have a great relationship with his family he is in love with her isn't he
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, it is overwhelmingly painful, only you know how painful it is. It's very sad but reality shows he has been investing his affection and passion and daily sharing and caring towards this woman, and I believe no matter how good you could be, it would not matter to him, since he does not seem to care, and has been taking care and nurturing his relationship with her.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why I think how important it is for you to get necessary support in order to effectively cope with this painful reality, it is not healthy at all for you to expose to this and suffer even more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I hope you really reflect on this and take consistent action getting the support you need.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you have any other question I could help you with, please let me know since I am here to support you. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you have no further questions, I will be leaving the chat now. Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

i know i sound like a broken record but wont this get old with them just texting and sending pictures there is no physical activity they make sex videis for each other butis that enough i dont know i need to give up because its advious he given up on me she came bsck into his life they were k uje best fru ends growing up and he just forgot me every since he always concerned abiut her she feeling good im just asking if the distance will make this affair wull faze out

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 9 months ago.
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