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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi,This guy and I have been talking for awhile now around 6

Resolved Question:

Hi,This guy and I have been talking for awhile now around 6 months or so,we havn't met yet.We use to talk alot we still talk but i guess not as much now(guess that's normal).I asked if he wanted to meet and he said he has something on, he didn't say exactly that but it was on those lines.I didn't give him much notice either i suppose.However i get the impression that he only wants to meet if he has nothing on (which is basically never) on the weekends if he's not doing one thing he's doing something else.He's not prepared to give up anything to meet even though he likes me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see how this situation could be frustrating for anybody in your shoes.

Customer:

Hi

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for joining the chat

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe seems to show a person who, as you said, seems to want to keep you there,without expecting anything more from it,while having his life apart from this "friendships".

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What do you expect from a person like him?

Customer:

To be honest and up front

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, but what you described, his concrete behaviors do seem to show the opposite

Customer:

Maybe he wants a compromise,not sure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have been sharing this way for 6 months and you have not even met basically because he does always have an excuse. What could you expect from a person who has not been truly open and honest for this long?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What I think is that is seems that he has already another person in his life, and a serious commitment, and that's why he avoids you

Customer:

He did set a date awhile ago but I wasn't ready

Customer:

I doubt he has someone else

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. I can tell you that most scenarios like this do not use to lead to close, deep, open and fulfilling relationships, since the very core of mutual respect, honesty, understanding and caring is not biong built.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have been sharing this much for 6 months and he avoid you this way, using excuses not to meet? This does not show a person who is truly interested, feels in love and passionate about you, but one that is controlling what an dhow much he shared in this distant relationship, and obviously it;s been working just well for him, but not for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you feel fulfilled and comfortable with this situation and for how are you willing to keep it this way?

Customer:

He says he wants to meet though,i just don't know how that's going to happen if it's only going to happen if he's not busy, and not giving anything up to meet.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. I think that when a person's actions do not consistently match his words, they are not trustworthy, could be manipulative and show lack of honesty and maturity.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In relationships, "mutual respect and honesty are key components for developing healthy and fulling relationships, otherwise all people who use nice words but who do not take consistent actions, would create wonderful relationships, but in real life that does not use to happen.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But only you known what you feel and are willing to afford here. If you feel it is worthy to keep waiting for longer, that you feel happy and fulfilled, confident and fine with that, then no problem. There are truly very busy people who literally do not have much free time because of serious professional and personal responsibilities, and commuting long distances is just not viable for them because of time and distance restrains. Only you know about this specific situation and based on your knowledge and experience , you can decide how good it is working and would continue to work for you.

Customer:

Ok,thanks very much!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take gentle care

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach