Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
I am sorry to hear of this for you. Clearly this is a significant issue within him and one that needs to be looked at in therapy for himself.
it is possible that he cannot control these impulses and needs to look at this behavior and understand it.
the fact that he blew up at you indicates that it touches close to home for him.
if he is married to you with a child then why stalking the ex on fb.
and he says he hasnt cheated but what he is doing is being unfaithful
it becomes about what you are willing to tolerate and whether he will go for treatment and if he wont what you will accept
Yes I truly believe that he cannot control these impulses, and have repeatedly asked him to seek help by speaking with a counsellor, he says he will but his other biggest problem is he doesn't follow through. All talk and no action, and frankly I'm sick of it
yes because if he goes to see a therapist then he will have to confront this behavior and he clearly does not want to.
again it comes down to what you are willing to tolerate.
get help or....you fill in the blank here.
I don't want to tolerate it anymore it is get help or I will divorce you
well then you sound pretty clear.
I like your strength
I am a pretty strong person
Quite driven and a high acheiver
I can hear it and it will serve you to get through this space with him
My downside though is I feel I'm too empathetic
set the boundary for yourself and live within that...he can either respond or not
Do I give him a timeframe?
well your empathy is a great thing but that doesnt mean it needs to minimize you and your life
That's a great way to put it, I never looked at it that way before
whatever feels comfy for you around a timeframe. doesnt take that long to find a therapist as you say all talk and no action...so lets get some action.
and you display empathy by giving him the opportunity yet again to get help.
I also need to get some of my own therapy....he's really put me through the ringer the last 8 years
you havent walked out on him and are willing to give it more time as long as he does his part...but to what end?
self sacrifice? I dont hear that from you.
tell him what you need around this and what your boundary is...he can either do it or he cant and then you have the data from which to make a decision that serves you and your child
yes and support for you is a great idea. glad you reached out here
Yes I need to look at it just how you put it, I just can't fathom not seeing my son 247 if we do split and I think that's why I've let it slide for so long
would he not reside with you most of the time? primary custody with you?
and you have let it go because you love him and care for him and have hope...these are not bad things...that makes you loving and wonderful.
he is a lucky man and needs to be reminded of what he will lose unless he gets treatment.
Yes you are right, I need to let it go, my son cannot continue to hear us argue like we did this morning, I felt so bad
it is sad for both of you. figure out what works for you...put it out to him and give him the opportunity to get help.
then you can make whatever decision feels right for you and your son
OK yes I will do that, and this time I will hold him accountable to what ever the outcome is
sounds like a good plan. and get yourself some more support as well and you can always come to me anytime you need
Thank you Jen, I really needed this, someone to talk to who isn't biased, you have really helped me :)
It is my pleasure. I am here to support you. Let your gut guide you
Yes I will for sure, I will keep you posted on my progress I am hoping for the best outcome, however if that doesn't happen then I will be OK with that too
I am here when you need and I am rooting for whatever will be the best outcome for you and your son. You deserve a happy and fulfilling life...get out there and create it.
Thank you so much :)
my pleasure. Please take good care and of your son too. take a moment to offer a rating of my work and thank you in advance. I am here if you need. just ask for CoachJenK only and it comes to me.
Will do thanks again
Hi Jen, sorry my son was playing on my computer and must have found his way here somehow lol but I may as well update you on my situation with my husband.
He still hasn't followed through on my request to remove the email address and seek help by talking to a therapist. On the day I spoke with you I texted him and asked him not to come home as I needed space. The next day he came home and we had quite a lengthy discussion. He did say to me that he didn't want to jeapordise our marriage and after spending time apart could see why I was clearly upset. He apologised and I told him my boundries and asked him to delete the account and seek help from a therapist - which he has not done to this date.
I am really over having to mother him, and follow up with him like he is my other child. I am at my wits end with him and just don't know what else to do other than follow through with divorce. I'm frustrated, sad and angry and just feel disrespected.
Thanks heaps I definitely will :-)