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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5798
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I believe this is the last item to bring up.

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I believe this is the last item to bring up. so after we clarified the fact that shortly after he started therapy he told me he no longer felt the threat of enmeshement several years ago. However given the circumstances that may not be true correct?  the circumstances meaning how he behaves at home

It is possible that at the time that therapy ended, he felt that things were resolved. Sometimes it is not until later that other feelings surface. And without the support of therapy, he might also be questioning his own judgment and thinking that all of his feelings were not completely worked through. So he may pull back just to "play it safe".

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes, I understand. In fact, I agree, it feels like he is dealing with unresolved issues that aren't taking a high priority right now because he's very busy in college. Like you said, he may be pulling back to play it safe. the effects are not completely out in his conscious mind or if they are, they are pushed back because he is very busy with academics. He still goes to therapy that hasn't stopped, which is good. but I believe he is dealing with other issues in therapy like socialization and confidence. so my hands are tied for the most part and hopefully when he works through his feelings he doesn't cut me out of his life or think negatively about me because I don't have a relationship with my own mother and I don't want that to happen between us

I can understand how you feel about this. It makes sense. You want to have a normal relationship with him but for now, he seems to be struggling. And it can be both him being so busy and that he is pushing his feelings away because of it. You may want to try to introduce the subject in a gentle way next time he has a break and you have time with him. See if he reacts a bit better. If not, you might want to ask if you could talk to him and his therapist together. He may feel safer in front of the therapist talking about whatever is bothering him.

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

thank you Kate. I don't think I can bring this subject up because it's a touchy one. Anytime I brought up the past enmeshment, he was annoyed or became angry. I'm not sure if he's angry at me because he perceives that I cannot let it go or because it touches on some painful feelings or both. My gut feeling is that he is not in a position where he is able to fully examine these feelings. in particular, I don't think he wants to examine them with me. I really do not believe he will be interested in any way to attend therapy with me. like you said, I perceive and agree with you that he is pushing away some feelings for protection and focusing on his studies and the immediate problems of socialization and confidence

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