How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
65591635
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello. Im 22 this year and I still have yet to be in a relationship.

Resolved Question:

Hello. I'm 22 this year and I still have yet to be in a relationship. Don't get me wrong I've been asked three times so far, two from high school and one from work. The two from high school never really talked to me again after they asked, and the one from work was 7 years older then me and way too much of a flirt. Plus, I'm pretty sure all he wanted was sex for a night. Anyway, my friends have said that the reason why I've never had a boyfriend, let alone a relationship, is because I don't get out much, haven't met the right guy, or if I do get asked I say no. I've gotten to the point where maybe it's my personality that isn't appealing the men, or maybe it's the fact that I'm misunderstood. I don't know, maybe I'm just over thinking things...any suggestions?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know dating has become such a challenge for you for all hihs long

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But I feel hopeful bacause of your initiative to work on changes and improvements.

Customer:

Yeah, I still can't figure it out

Customer:

What do you think I should do?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you have close male and female friends? What do they tell you about it besides of what you already described here What about your parents and close family, what do they think and how have they helped all these years in this area?

Customer:

Everyone tells me that I don't get out enough, or I'm being to picky.

Customer:

They haven't really helped me in this area. Just given me advice or tips I should try.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How often do you use to socialize, to enjoy with friends and to look for closer relationships?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

First let me tell you that it is normal if a person your age has not date yet, but it is not common. Many factors play a role here, and only addressing the core ones would allow you to start developing your romantic/sexual relatiosnhips / life.

Customer:

what core factors should I address?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is concerning to know that your mother has not played an active role offering adequate parenting, including sexual education, motivation, guidance and support around dating from young age. The fact they have not helped you in this area could significantly explain why things have been this way for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Personality features, sense of self-worthiness, self-esteem, self-confidence, core value and belief systems, worldviews, modeling from parents and the quality of your relaitonship with them. Communication, social and coping skills, and more.

Customer:

I've never really been comfortable in asking my mom for advice in relationships or dating

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have your parents openly and actively provided asexual education and discussed topics around romance and sex at home? How is their marital relationship?

Customer:

My mom and step dad are divorced and she never talked to me about that kind of stuff

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then that shows not only your fears and inhibition but how your own parents may have literally shaped and promoted this passive approach around dating , sexuality and relationship. It is parents' role to raise children in ways they could develop all these core skills, not only by teaching then at an intellectual level, but modeling healthy behaviors and providing concrete feedback and support.

Customer:

So, what do you think I should do to move forward and make changes?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then it makes a lot of sense why you have had a hard time in these areas, you just did not receive all the necessary support, from there right education, modeling , affection and support to develop and growth knowing how to experience and approach these challenges, experiences and core needs. You had a negative experience around your own parents and the second relationship between your mother and step father, besides of not having intimacy and closeness in your relationship with mother, which is key for these matters.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

One last questions, what are your religious beliefs-morals around dating, sex, relatiosnhips and marriage?

Customer:

I don't have any religious beliefs around dating, sex, relationships and marriage. I just think that if there's a guy that I trust enough, in a serious relationship with, and feel comfortable with, at some point in the relationship, I'll have sex with them even if we're not getting married. I don't think you have to be married to have sex. In terms of dating, I think that it's something that allows you do figure out what your likes and dislikes are in someone.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You would need working on all those core areas from which adult romantic relationships depend. You could try many things, but the best way to truly effectively work on it would be through individual psychotherapy, since it would allow you to explore, identify and better understand yourself, to become more aware of what and why you feel, think and do things the way you do; to develop better coping, social, communication and dating skills, to work on your sense of self-worthiness and self-confidence, to make improvements there too and more.

Customer:

Ok, that sounds like a good option. Thanks for your help and advice, it made me realize a few things.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, that's a very mature, healthy and proactive approach, then you should not have problems at that level.
As I was saying,, psychotherapy would be the ideal source of support for you to work on yourself and on this area. Besides of it,you could read self-development books on dating skills, self-esteem and assertiveness, join different clubs/associations/classes or groups where you could actually share with other people, develop new friendships and from there increase your chances to find a good match.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is through concrete experience and practice, once you have better insight about things , that you can actually build these necessary skills and benefit from the experiences you create, promote and allow yourself to experience in this and in many other areas.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am glad to know this has been helpful. Thank you for being this open, honest and direct here. Please tale gentle care and consistent action,and feel free to contact me, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency