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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My bf and i have been together for 12 yrs before we split and

Customer Question

My bf and i have been together for 12 yrs before we split and he dated another girl on and off for roughly three yrs. Ive caught him in lies about dating her and living with her. Now were back.together and he wants the past behind us. I found shirts hidden away in his drawers and asked him if she gave them to him and i told him i want them out of our house if she bought them for him. He only said theyre mine dont.touch them. Making me believe theyre from her. Should he be keeping anything from an ex? I feel disrespected..am i making a big deal over this?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help with this question.

You are both missing the forest for the trees.

The most important thing making your relationship work.

Here you have an issue that is going to tear it apart again.

Lets look at both sides as there is right and wrong on each side.

If he was to show his total dedication to you he would throw those shirts away or give them away.

If you were to show your total dedication you would say, let him keep the shirts. The relationship means more to me than those shirts.

But wait!

Those shirts are a real irritant to you. They give you stress and anxiety. They recall a painful time in your life and should really be removed for that reason.

It looks silly or petty to him because he cannot empathize with your pain

Not caring about your feeling is a serious issue. Even if the issue is silly in his eyes, your pain should not be trivialized.

This should not be a deal breaker but it could become one.

Let me recommend this wonderful book where you can find answers to your communication with each other. This is, by far, the best relationship book of all times:

Product Details

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert... by Gottman, John

 

Let him know how essential your feelings are to your well-being and use the book to find the best talking points.

 

I shall keep you in my prayers for success.

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Dear XXXXX

May God protect you and bring you success.

Warm regards.

Elliott

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