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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband is deeply upset with my lack of income and my spending

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My husband is deeply upset with my lack of income and my spending habits. He also criticizes my dietary habits and body.
I am a 32 year old, married for 7 years, with 2 wonderful children. I am primarily a stay at home mother, who runs her own small business (focuses on health and motherhood).
My husband has always had a judgmental streak, but lately I am becoming more saddened by it. His greatest criticism is my lack of income, next my physique and last my dietary habits.
Speaking to the first, I became pregnant prior to our marriage and finishing higher education-school, therefore I pursued pilates education, and exclusively work with the maternal community. However, because of my husbands job, we are taxed at the highest rate possible. Therefore, I cannot make enough to cover child care and, in response, have placed an emphasis on being a stay at home mom. I have considered going back to school to pursue higher education, but my husband objects to the cost. At the same time, if I purchase anything, I need to explain to him why I purchased it. I am scared of him. I have told him this and his habits do not change. I want to make him proud, but most of the time, he is frankly as he puts it "ashamed of me". I do not know what to do.
Next, since having children, my hips have spread. My weight and health have stayed the same, but I had 2 very large babies and my hips spread to accommodate it. My husband reminds me of this at least once a week. Also, he criticizes my eating habit. I am scared to eat in front of my husband and therefore, eat fast food and eat in the car. When he sees me eating he makes slight comments. It is difficult because he works from home, as well as I. He constantly tells me to stand up straight and change my musculature. I am underweight.
He never tells me I am beautiful and he does not tell me he loves me.
He objects to my professional dancing career and objects to me instructing dance. He objects to my volunteering at school, he objects to me teaching religious education...he objects to everything I do.
I love him, he is a devoted father and enjoys spending all his time with me. He has moved to be closer to my family and would do anything I ask him. But emotionally he is cold. I wish I could make him happy, I wish I could make him proud.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you with your situation.

You seem to be like a ship adrift in a terrible storm with the wind and waves on one side and the rocky coast on the other.

You say he is a devoted father, but how could he be if he is emotionally crushing his children's mother?

You say he spends all his time with you, but that is nothing postive because he torments you constantly.

He does not support you in any way and is causing you to live in fear.

You say that he will do anything that you ask him; if this is true then insist that he goes to a licensed marriage and family therapit with you.

Insist that he negative make a criticism again about your figure, you dancing, your teaching, your food, or anything.

Tell him that he is tormenting you and that you insist that he stop if he values his marriage and wantst to keep it intact.

That is not too much to ask, by any measure.

By mental health standards, you are being emotionally abused by this man, who shows you no love and support you in no way.

He has every reason in the world to be happy with you and proud of you, but instead he very consistently controls you by putting you down.

This is his pleasure. He seems to be a narcissist and derives benefit - called narcissistic supply - by putting you down and controlling your life.

It is doubtful that he will change and probably will not go to therapy.

I would like to recommend two books for you to read and understand what you are facing.

The first book will show you so many insights that you will immediately recognize.

The second is about one way that these relationships can end if they cannot be changed.

You are being destroyed and must gain as much knowledge as possible so that you can make realistic choices about your future. Your present circumstances are untenable; they are like a nightmare.

Here are the books:

Product Details

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family by Payson, Eleanor




Product Details

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Kreger, Randi and Eddy, Bill


I understand that the title of the second book is frightening, but if you cannot turn this around then it may be your best and wisest option.


Try for change, of course, but this will not come easy.


I shall keep you in my prayers.


Warm regards,



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