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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hi there Angela, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I have been married

Resolved Question:

hi there Angela, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I have been married for almost 14 years now, I got married at the age of 21 to a man who is a pastor, contractor and devoted family man, my issue however is when it comes to spending time as a couple its lacking, this has been an issue which we have discussed many times but he only makes excuses for e.g. lets focus on the kids, or he is so busy with work .I am just so extremely frustrated. What should I do?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear XXXX,

I believe that I can help with your situation.

You say that your husband is a pastor, but he does somehow fails to lead his own family in a manner that creates harmony and satisfaction.

You also say that he is a devoted family man, but he is failing in his devotion to the cornerstone of his marriage: you his wife. Perhaps he is not doing his duty. If he was you would not be so dissatisfied.

You need to go back to him, but this time more forcefully and frankly.

Tell him you feel that the marriage is failing and that you want to go to a marriage and family therapist with him to turn this around, because you are deperately frustrated and unhappy.

Tell him that he is failing her as a husband, and that, as a pastor, should be dedicating himself more to making you satisfied.

If he refuses to go (makes excuses) then find a good therapist, and start going yourself. Once you have started, let the therapist guide you. Perhaps you will be able to convince your husband to attend with you.

If he refuses to address this issue then you could consider a trial separation, as a wake-up call to him. This may be more than you wish to do, but sometimes it is the step that causes the other party to realize the seriousness of the issue.

Finally, let me recommend this book to you. It is probably the best book on marriage that has has ever been written. Read it and get him to read it. It will give you much support and wisdom.

Product Details

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert... by Gottman, John

 

I will pray for your wisdom, strength, and courage in seeing this through to success.

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

 

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Well I spoke to him last evening about seeing a therapist ( Christian therapist) but his response was "I am not impressed",I said to him that its not about being impressed but taking the situation in a direction which would help the relationship.He agreed to go not really for him because he sees absolutely no problem with whats happening.He called me selfish for wanting alone time with him as his wife

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Dear XXX,

This is excellent news. He may be in denial about the truth of the matter, but he will be moved in the direction of healing, with your persistance, an intelligent therapist (and not one who tells you to accept things), and above all, with God's grace.

He is the selfish one for not wanting to bring you happiness as is his duty as your husband. Don't tell him. You are not. You deserve happiness and it is your right in this relatonship.

Keep moving forward. Get the book as well.

God bless,

Elliott

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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