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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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I had a platonic relationship with an actress who was a next

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I had a platonic relationship with an actress who was a next door neighbor for 10 years. She joked about S&M and spankings as if she knew me but I was stupidly shy and afraid of cheating on my wife. I always fantasized about her, but with my doomed marriage now , I am thinking of her almost obsessively. She has emailed me occasionally, but stopped about a year ago despite giving me continuous recommendations on LinkedIn up until this June. She moved away about 10 years ago and now lives in Kansas taking care of her dying mother. My fantasy is that after the inevitable, she will move back to Malibu and I will be able to see her. How can I tell her that I want to be her slave without being a jerk in an email?

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

As a therapist of over 30 years, I always advocate for telling the truth. You are stuck in a fantasy about this woman based on a long ago relationship. Her life moved on. Your life moved on. The occasional contact you had by email - and Linked In - were just that...occasional contact.

Dr. L :

Unfortunately, your marriage is not strong...and so it is normal that you would draw upon that long-ago fantasy to breathe some life into your today.

Dr. L :

To not be a jerk in an email...tell her that you have not forgotten the fun chatter of the past and you would like to re-engage with her.

Dr. L :

Only by telling her what you would like to happen are you going to know where she stands.

Dr. L :

If you want to move from fantasy to reality...the only way to do that is to contact her and be honest about your feelings and desires.

Customer:

Her last email to me said she wanted to re-connect and that I had been "on my mind much lately". But I guess you're right. Honesty is the best policy, (but insanity is a better defense...Lol). Thanks very much. Great insight.

Dr. L :

You are very welcome.

Dr. L :

LOL to the insanity comment!

Dr. L :

Life is far too short...if there is mutual interest here then it is worth pursuing and seeing how life unfolds.

Dr. L :

Take care!

Customer:

thank you very much!

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