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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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i want chat about some qestions about girls personalities.

Resolved Question:

i want chat about some qestions about girls personalities.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.
Dear XXXXX : How can I help you today?
Dear XXXXX : I see that you are currently not online. If you would like you can write out what you would like to ask and I will answer you as soon as possible or you can switch to question and answer and I can also help you that way as well.
Dear XXXXX : I look forward to your question and helping you.
Customer:

HI

Customer:

HOW ARE YOU?

Dear XXXXX : Oh good I see you entered the chat and how may I help you?
Customer:

ok

Customer:

here the story

Customer:

i know a girl

Customer:

i used to love here

Customer:

her

Customer:

very much

Customer:

and she was my first gf

Customer:

and love for 6 years

Customer:

i didnt know other girl

Customer:

we want to get marride

Customer:

marrid

Customer:

but i had a problem

Customer:

make me worse for 1 year

Customer:

it is ptsd

Customer:

after that

Customer:

she start

Customer:

not helping me

Customer:

or give me as i give here

Customer:

her

Customer:

i give her everything

Customer:

and she didnt give me back except love

Customer:

and because it was my first love

Customer:

i dont know anything about girls

Customer:

so i need to ask some qestions about girls

Customer:

in genral

Customer:

i always feel that she never umderstand me

Customer:

never

Customer:

0%

Customer:

i tell story

Customer:

she dont understand me

Customer:

i feel am in hill and she in hill

Customer:

i feel that is very important to me

Customer:

so do always girl think in diffrent way?

Customer:

that they cant understand man thought

Customer:

??

Customer:

or that depend on girl?

Dear XXXXX : Everyone is different in how they think because it comes from how they were raised as a child.
Customer:

yes she is diffrent

Customer:

she is diffrent than me

Customer:

but is that ok in relation

Customer:

because there is love

Customer:

and i understand her

Customer:

but she dont

Dear XXXXX : One way to understand her better and why she acts the way she does is asking about her childhood.
Customer:

she is now 24 years old

Customer:

it was very bad

Customer:

she have very bad personality

Customer:

most time dont have friends

Customer:

stay at home

Customer:

she dont have rich personality

Customer:

very very boring

Customer:

i dont want to hurt her

Customer:

but that annoy me

Customer:

or break her

Dear XXXXX : It was bad so she could have protective walls up. Some times people put up walls in order not to get hurt. But these emotional walls can go away once they learn to trust and know that it is ok to drop your guard and open up.
Customer:

but she build her wall againest me

Customer:

and againest everone

Customer:

because her dad is very bad

Customer:

when i advice her

Customer:

she dont lestin

Dear XXXXX : She has a fear of letting people in.
Customer:

yes

Customer:

why?

Dear XXXXX : The reason why is she doesn't ever want to be hurt again. She thinks if she lets Someone in they will leave or hurt her.
Dear XXXXX : She also has a personality that is strong and as you discribe can be annoying. It's because she is upset over her life she never fixed the past so she still carries it with her.
Dear XXXXX : She needs to talk about how she feels so that she can let it go and let people in that love her.
Customer:

i see

Customer:

but she dont

Customer:

she is very very shy

Customer:

and have soical problem

Customer:

if she sad

Customer:

she thinks that if she say what inside her

Customer:

poeple leave her

Customer:

she cant face

Customer:

and this is a big problem with her

Dear XXXXX : She has a fear that if she opens up people will look at her different. She is afraid to be herself because she is afraid that people will not accept her for who she is so she just keeps it all inside.
Dear XXXXX : She needs to open up and understand that people will accept her.
Customer:

and she is not flixeble at all

Dear XXXXX : Some times people will not open up because they do not want people to tell others about their life because they might get embarrassed. Some times people care too much what others think if them but they shoukd be focusing on thinking about this is me and accept me for who I am. There are so many people out there that feel like they don't fit in. But it's not that they don't fit it they just haven't found the right people to fit in with.
Dear XXXXX : She is not flexible at all because her personality is her needing to be in control.
Dear XXXXX : I feel because if her childhood she needs to always be in control if her life.
Customer:

if i advice her she take it in wrong way

Customer:

and that is annoying

Dear XXXXX : She needs to let go and understand that you are there for here and that it's ok to let go and let someone else have an equal part in this relationship.
Customer:

because i love her much

Dear XXXXX : She also doesn't want advise because she wants to still control her life.
Customer:

i see

Dear XXXXX : She feels that you are insulting her because she thinks that you are saying she can't do it, but what your really doing is helping her. But she is taking it the wrong way.
Customer:

why?

Dear XXXXX : You mentioned she was shy one way to get her to open up is by writing a letter. You could ask her to put her feelings down on paper.
Customer:

if i ask her that she think i want to break her

Customer:

i always feel she is in suffer

Customer:

i want to help her

Customer:

but i dont know how

Dear XXXXX : She takes things the wrong way because she thinks its an insult. I have to say that in her childhood she felt like she had no control over her life, so when someone tells her what to do it triggers the past. So she instantly reacts instead if listening.
Dear XXXXX : How you help her is like this.
Customer:

but am very kind person

Customer:

and she wont let me in

Customer:

and that is disrespecting

Customer:

because am very succfuil person

Customer:

because i shouldnt did all that

Customer:

if i want to do something good

Customer:

for her

Customer:

she take it in wrong way

Customer:

and that make problem worse

Customer:

i feel more angry

Customer:

is there a chance that fixes now?

Customer:

she is 23 now

Customer:

and nothing change

Dear XXXXX : You want to guide her in the right direction. Instead of you telling her to do something, you need to let her think that she came up with that solution. It is like always including her in her decisions. It's all about wording a guestion. If you say too her i am only saying this because I care about you. That is showing her your love for her. Yes, you can fix this people can change at any moment.
Dear XXXXX : She needs to know that you helping her or doing something nice is not you doing something wrong. When you do something nice I feel that she gets upset because she feels she does not deserve it.
Dear XXXXX : She doesn't feel good about herself do she gets angry and defensive.
Customer:

yes

Customer:

in rude way

Dear XXXXX : She needs to see things differently that you are trying to be nice. It is like she needs to learn that their ate good people out there like you who love and care about her. It's like she doesn't know any better so she needs to learn.
Customer:

i see

Customer:

but usully i may easliy find another girl understand me?

Dear XXXXX : You are in love with her.
Customer:

i was

Customer:

but i cant take that anymore

Dear XXXXX : That is not going to change even if you find someone else.
Customer:

i need someone reperct me and understand me

Customer:

and if i get in problem

Customer:

that she help me

Customer:

i dont need someone i move her

Customer:

always

Customer:

i need indipedant rich person

Dear XXXXX : I want you to fully express how you feel about how she treats you how you feel about her. Explain that her personality is tough.
Customer:

she dont apprite

Customer:

or help me

Customer:

or understand me

Customer:

if i get in problem

Customer:

she dont help me in right way

Customer:

right way that leed to right things

Customer:

maybe she dont know how she help me because she dont undestand me

Dear XXXXX : I don't think she knows how. I think she needs to be taught how to be there fit someone.
Customer:

but why she dont understand me

Customer:

is that can be fix

Customer:

??

Dear XXXXX : Yes, that can be fixed as well.
Customer:

how?

Customer:

but what if she is diffrent?

Dear XXXXX : You both want to talk about how you both view situations.
Dear XXXXX : If you are raised one way and she was raised another way. Then she doesn't know any other way.
Customer:

but it is easier that end

Customer:

i can accept her

Customer:

and i dont to annoy her or disrepect myself

Dear XXXXX : You need to explain too her what is the right way. You can say ok that is how you feel but it is not the right way for me.
Customer:

i cant*

Customer:

yes i see

Customer:

ok

Customer:

but is there a chance i found someone that understand me?

Customer:

and can marrige succeeded

Customer:

?

Customer:

if both dont understand each other

Dear XXXXX : Yes, you would find someone that would understand you.
Customer:

now you understand me

Customer:

i didnt find it was hard

Customer:

it was too easy

Dear XXXXX : Everyobe is different. If you found someone that was raised similar at you. I feel they would understand you.
Customer:

i see

Customer:

thank you for your time

Dear XXXXX : You welcome.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
1810 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.