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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18587
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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For Cher only Hello this is Trina I asked a question about

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For Cher only
Hello this is Trina I asked a question about myself and my husband Rickie I thought things were going well but to my surprise we are still having problems. Should I continue to try to work things out or should I end things and move on?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 10 months ago.
Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again Trina, and thanks for requesting me.

My sincerest apologies that I did not receive notification of your request when you first posted, and your patience is appreciated.

When you apologized for your part and told Rickie you needed to communicate better in order to make things right, what was his reaction/reply?

Thanks,
Cher



Customer: replied 10 months ago.
He agrees but he also knows that even though he says he hasn't. When I get stressed I withdraw and I overwhelmed with trying to find a solution to the problem I neglect him in some ways. I know he's not a mind reader but I need him to be more aware. We should be more in time after 5 years of marriage. He does not know what he wants to do. Help
Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again, Trina and thanks for your helpful reply.

I understand that when you get stressed, you withdraw and feel overwhelmed, and so, this cuts down on your part of the communication because you are so upset. This is a very common reaction when someone is upset. He may interpret your being quiet as not caring. I agree completely, that after 5 years of marriage, you should be able to communicate more easily and know each other very well. If he knows you find it hard to communicate when you're upset, he should try to draw you out and find out what's bothering you, if you have trouble bringing it up.

If you feel you neglect him in some ways, remedy that. Think about how you feel you neglect him (make a written list for yourself, only) and try to improve upon that. If you love each other and want to try to resolve your differences and make your marriage work, you both need to do the work and each need to recognize what is causing the breakdown between you. Yes, it's hard work, but you need to discuss with him that if he is 'invested' in this marriage you both need to work to save it. It's like a drowning man--you need to throw in the life preserver to save him. Your marriage needs a life preserver and if you both are able to identify the problems and be truly honest with each other, the marriage might be worth saving. I say 'might', because there are some obstacles in some cases, that just can't be overcome. People can try to change, but they are not always successful.

I suggest that you try to get him to sit down at a time when things are calm, discuss the most important things that are causing troubles within the marriage and see if you can each promise to try harder to keep it together. If both or one of you are not willing to continue on, and you're unhappy, then you'll have to face the aspect that the marriage is just not working and you might be happier apart.

I do see you apart for a while, like a mini-separation, so you can each think about what would make you happiest, and when you come back together, you can tell each other your decisions. If the marriage is meant to continue, it will.

You deserve to be happy; if you feel everything you've done up until now has not worked and you feel he won't change, you need to do what you feel is best for you. I cannot tell you, yes, definitely leave him and I cannot tell you yes, definitely stay together. This has to be your own decisions. Predictions are not written in stone and you make your own destiny, so I feel at this point, that if you take some time apart (after discussing why things are falling apart), when you come back together, you wil have your answer. Just keep in mind that your happiness is always most important, and even though you might not want your marriage to end, if things are so tough and you feel he isn't trying, take that into account when you make your decision.

I hope things work out the way you want them to!

If you need any additional information or clarification, simply 'Reply' back before rating and I will be happy to help with any follow up questions. Please do not rate negatively if you still need information. Just click "Reply" instead. Thank you!

If you found my answer helpful, a Positive Rating and Positive feedback on the survey, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Laughing

If you would like to request me to answer any new, future questions, please begin your post with "For Cher Only" and I will respond as soon as possible.

Warmest regards,

Cher

Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18587
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again, Trina.

Thanks very much for your excellent rating and most generous bonus; they are truly appreciated!

I hope all works out well for you!

Warmest regards,
Cher

PS: please disregard the automatic prompts from the system to send additional information; none is needed at this time and this is simply a 'thank you!' : )

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