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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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On July 1, 2013 I had broken up with my girlfriend. The relationship

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On July 1, 2013 I had broken up with my girlfriend. The relationship was going no where. Though i saw her a couple of times that month. It really hurt that she did not want to continue the relation. I still think of her and get upset at some of the things she did and said to me. It was not right that she gave me the cold shoulder and threw me out like nothing. I really loved and care for her and demonstrated it many times. It was not fair the way she treated me.

Well in August I came in contact with an old friend. I had not seen her in many years. We talked for a while and decided to meet. So we met a few days later at a restaurant, had dinner and later we went to the theater. It was fun going out with her. She is a very attractive women and smart. We have gone out several times after that day. She really seems to like me. We recently went to a wedding and she had a very good time. She told me that she enjoyed it very much. Well I like her too. I just feel bad that i still think of my ex-girlfriend because i miss her. Though this new girl has made me happy, I get sad when i think of my ex-girlfriend. It still hurts that she left me and did not care that i still wanted to be with her.

The girl I'm with now, asked about my previous relation and even told me to go back with my ex-girlfriend. I told her that i would not because it was not going to work out. She did not mind that i told her about this previous relation. So we are still dating, she seems like a good women. We both get along very well. She has told me that she feels good around me and likes me very much. Me too.

Now will I eventually forget my ex-girlfriend which i loved? What should I do to get my ex-girlfriend out of my head? I really like this new girl and don't want my past to get in the way of our relation.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

Your ex did what you were not able to do: see the futility of continuing in the relationship and moving on.

Get rid of all traces of her from your life: pictures, mementoes, letter. All of them.

Don't discuss her with your new girlfriend - ever again - or with anyone else for that matter.

If you think about her do something to distract yourself or take a bite of a sour lemon with salt on it. That negative reinforcement works wonders. (leave off the tequila, however).

Finally, order and read this book. It will help a great deal.

Product Details

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Elliott, Susan J

 

Focus on the new woman and don't mention the old one to her EVER again, and if she asks you tell her that you are luck she is gone because you met HER.

 

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
10/09/2013
Now the girl i began to date in August has gotten along w/me very well. When she sees me, she is always smiling . In September when we attended a wedding, we had ordered some drinks. To make a long story short, she had too much to drink. That night she asked if that botherd me. I said no because we were dancing most of the night and she conducted her self appropiately. Well the following morning we went to have breakfast at a restaurant and she ordered a big glass of beer (16oz), I had mineral water. I didn't think much of it.
Now thru out our relation she has gone out with her girlfriends and some cousins, when i ask her how it went she says good and she had a few drinks. The last girlfriend she went out with, she drank 4 (16oz) beers with tequila shots in each one of them. This did bother me. When i asked about who her friend was, she said it was the girlfriend of her ex-husbands best friend. This really bother me. I told her that was not a good idea to be going out with people her ex associates with. I told her I would not be seeing a friend of my ex, especially if I was recently divorced. Well she didn't think much of what i said to her. Well I like this girl and we get along, but i think she is not taking our relation serious. I still want to date her but i'm skeptical of the future with her. Will she eventually change and be conscientious of what she does or should i see her less and look elsewhere? Thank You.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Dear Ari,

I believe that I can help with this new question.

The new woman in your life seems very appealing to you in many ways.

It seems that she may be an alcoholic because she drinks too much, AND because she had alcohol (beer) for her breakfast. That is a seriou sign of alcoholism. That is something of real concern that you may wish to gently discuss with her.

The friend that you objected to, the girlfriend of the best friend of her ex-husband is twice removed from her ex and may have been an old and longstanding friend of hers.
She may not wish to remove herself from this old friendship because you simply object to it. That seems to be asking too much.

Her real concern is her drinking, and you should continue to see her while looking elsewhere. If you are looking for something more serious and stable that would probably be a guide idea.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
thank u.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Your are veryo welcome.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
10/17/13
So I've been seeing this women for 2 months. As I have previously mentioned we have gotten along well. We both enjoy each others company and have fun together.

Now recently when I saw her, she noticed that I seemed distracted, and she asked me, if i needed to tell her something, which I answered,"no".

Well a couple of days ago, she send me a text message asking me if she was my type of girl. Obviously I replied, yes (she is very attractive). She then responded that she felt I was not giving 100% in the relation. I responded, we just need more time. That eventually will know if it comes together or breaks apart. She responded, ok.

Well, today we were suppose to go out and she cancelled on me. I didn't get upset and text her ok.

Now I do like her but I don't love her yet. I'm not sure if I will get there. I don't like to compare relations but with my last girlfriend, I felt this intense attraction and fell in love with her after a month of dating. With my new girlfriend, I don't have those same feelings. I feel that I just need her company. I don't want to let her go. She knows that I like her very much and probably knows that I still don't lover her.

Well, I don't want to hurt her, but want to continue seeing her. Should I take a break from this relation and see other women or should I continue it and let time take its course.

Thank You.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Dear Ari,

You have posed an interesting question because there are several ways to look at it.

Your woman friend NOTICED that you seemed distracted. This was a bit of observation but a bit of emotional intelligence or intuition. You are NOT giving 100% into this relationship and she knows it.

She is very attractive and that may me part of what you are looking for and is a good reason that you want to hold onto her. However, she may not actually be "your type of girl".

Why do I say that? because you do not have an intense attraction and have not fallen in love after 2 months (perhaps longer if you started with her in August).

She feels somewhat rejected by you and she is asking for affirmations and now has cancelled a date (which may or may not be relevant)..

You say that you don't want to hurt her, and I am sure that is your intention. However when your body language and her intuition tells her that you are not really into her, that hurts her.

She is better than no company but she is not what you are looking for and so as long as you both stay in this relationship you are only treading water and not moving forward.

If you take a break from this relationship and start seeing other women, you will both be a bit sad and lonely, but if you stay together you will feel unfulfilled and in a sense may feel sad and lonely in a different way. If you are with the wrong person you can feel alone.

I believe that you should take the break and start to see other women, because you are not committed to this one. You may changed your mind in the future, and you may find that she is gone and cannot be retrieved, but still this is the best decision at the moment, from my outsider's point of view. I don't have all the facts and feelings, of course, but that seems to be what you really want to try right now.

If this is what your gut is telling you, then do it and try to lift yourself out of the rut that you are currently in. The relationship seems to have run its course for the moment, and this may be the best way forward.

I shall continue to keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
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