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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, I am in a 3 year relationship with u boyfriend. It is

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Hi,
I am in a 3 year relationship with u boyfriend. It is quite complex. I moved to CA from MN "for him" yet I still have my condo in MN. I keep this as a back up plan as I am afraid to commit 100%. The reason I do not commit is because I wanted to have a child and get married. I am 37 with no children and he is 40 with an 18 year old. We discussed this issue before becoming attached and at that time we agreed we would do this. Now, my boyfriend is not giving it the time of day I have brought it up several times with different approaches and I get no response or a grunt if I am lucky. In my opinion, he isn't interested in it anymore as he has been married once and has a child already. If I stay, I know I will always have animosity towards him. I feel it is not fair for me as he isn't even considering my feelings. I feel he is being selfish and not concerned about my life dreams. While if I leave, I know that I will likely still not have a child but at least I will not stay with someone who never gave me a chance. Thoughts?
Hello. I agree that if he isn't interested in your life dreams that you should leave. You do not sound happy and it is very important that any partnership is on the same page, especially on major issues such as children and marriage. You are right in that if you stay and you never have children, you will probably have animosity towards him forever and that is certainly no way to spend your future.
I think you need to listen to your heart on this one. I think you need to have a big it down with him where you have his full attention to lay it all out for him in very simple, harsh and to the point terms to explain to him what is about to happen and why. If it is not possible, I would consider writing him a letter explaining the same thing and see if that can get his attention.
As far as you age, many women are having children at an older age these days and you have time. I personally know of many women who have had children past 40. I myself didn't have my first child until I was 38. You mentioned a fertility specialist, but not all women have fertility issues just because of age. Unless you know something that you did not state here. Having children is the greatest experience for those women who really want to be a mom. You need to do what you can to make this happen for you. Don't settle. Be happy.
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