Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating situation.
Thank you for joining the chat
Everything you have described here shows a person who seems to be very emotionally unstable , insecure, not honest towards you, and as you said, who seems to use you and the relationship in order to feel better without really respecting,neither being caring about your feelings
You were very honest and direct, patient and empathic, respecting her boundaries and being supportive, while she did not offer the same
First you need to take good care of yourself by setting healthy boundaries, inr oder for you not to allow this person to disrespect , use or abuse you, since being this dishonest is unacceptable and hiurtful
Very selfish and uncaring of how her actions with her lack of honesty and accountability hurt you, even more when you offer your affection, understanding and trust
She told you that, and that could make perfect sense and uses to be a real challenge for most people in her shoes, but that would never and should never justify the pattern of dishonesty and manipulation she has been showing here
She has not been depressed and isolating herself out of fear and confusion but actively engaging in sharing and even having sex with this man , besides of her not being a teenager but an adult woman who knows what she's doing.
I would say that everything points at her being selfish here and using you, to the point of being abusive too since not being honest and having these other romantic and sexual relaitonship while fueling expectations in you
I think so, since your first need, right and responsibility is to take good care of yourself, and not to expose yourself to being used , abused or neglected by anybody under any circumstance. I do not believe she is this vulnerable person she says she is, otherwise she would not be actively engaging in these other relationships while being dishonest towards you. I do not think she is naive and scared but very immature and manipulative.
She uses words and feelings to create this image and climate of insecurity and confusion, while her actions shows she is not even honest nor respectful, beside of showing inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for her choices and actions about you
When it becomes obvious that the other person is not a healthy presence in your life, it would not be wise to keep pushing yourself to make something work when there are not the necessary ingredients for a healthy and fulfilling relationship to be built. This is why in this case I believe it's much better just to move away from this person without allowing her to use or manipulate you any more. You could just send her a message letting her know that you have decided to take good care of yourself and chose not to keep in touch with her. Telling her not to contact you any more, for her to respect your decision. Then everything would be about you taking consistent action.
Sticking to it.
You would erase contact numbers-id, phone , FB and at any other social networking, block email address / numbers and do commit not to self-sabotage.
Please read about codependency, take notes, and implement every good insight you get from it. In case you find it too tough or overwhelming, then please consider individual psychotherapy or counseling as the best sources of professional support for you to work on yourself, on making positive and necessary changes, to heal and grow from painful experiences, even more from situations where abuse and neglect have been so present.
I believe she will do the same, and try her best to perpetuate things, to get you back
and this is why you need to make a real commitment with yourself not to expose to her manipulation-abuse any longer, this is why you need to actively work on yourself, on eradicating the codependency and getting all the healthy support you could get from assertive people in your life and ideally from psychotherapy/counseling.
Joining a support group for codependency could be one of the best ways to work on yourself, to reduce your chances for relapse, to rehabilitate from codependency and to complement the benefits of individual therapy.
Just work on becoming very mindful about your core needs, expectations, so of your actions allowing you to build the reality that you long for and deserve, and to effectively cope setting boundaries and limits as necessary, for you not to expose to similar scenarios where you could be used, abused or manipulated by people.
Does it make sense?
You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust.
Please take gentle care and consistent action.
Perfect! Bye for now.