How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Norman M. Your Own Question

Norman M.
Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Norman M. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I met this man on Facebook (one of my friends friend) who is

Resolved Question:

I met this man on Facebook (one of my friends friend) who is 25 and I'm 38. We started emailing me everyday and then eventually exchanged numbers and went to texting and calling. He texted me all morning, noon, evening and night, he called me every morning at 7am. Then 3 weeks later we setup a date. We were both were excited and met for dinner and went back to my house and watched movies. One thing led to another and we had sex. He was so super sweet and affectionate from the beginning. There were a few times I told him that I didn't know if we were going to work and he would say to take things one day at at time. I took him home that night and he called me at 7am as usual the next morning, then he text me all day and night. This continued for the next week. Then the following week he missed calling me a couple days and maybe a few hours would go by with no texting. Then less and less. Then he had some issues going on with his family so he pulled away, I asked if he needed space or wanted to stop seeing each other and he said his head was all over the place but no. So he came back strong a few days later and was back to saying I miss u, I need u, I care so much about u, etc....that was on a Friday. Then I text him that night and no answer and I freaked out and text him 10 times on Saturday and 1o on Sunday, then again Monday. He emailed me on Facebook on Monday and said he left his phone in his friends car and was sorry, he said he didn't memorize my number but wanted to let me know. I got mad and said he could've emailed me sooner. So he ignored my texts the following 3 days. Finally I called him and he said I'm making him not want to be with me, that I can't go a time without freaking out if I don't hear from him. We talked and he's said he wanted to start over so we did. But no more calling, maybe once a week at most. He pulled away but still was contacting me but now maybe once a day or two days but definitely a change. Then all his sweetness and affection stopped, but still was there.

So then he had family issues and things went downhill. I completely freaked out and text him too much, asked him where our relationship was going, asking him if he needs time, pestering him til he ignored my texts. He didn't talk or text me for a week so I crossed the line and called his work to see if he was there and when he would be coming in, I text him that he was ignoring me so I was going to come to his work to talk to him. He text me a day later and asked if I wanted to spend time with him, I was out so he said don't come over and I said I was coming anyway so I came but he never came out. He got mad at me for coming. So then he was suppose to come by the next night but never came, he stood me up. I sent him a mean text and he replied with he was mad I called his work and came over. He said when I do stuff like this it makes him not want to be with me. Then he would no longer text me or contact me first, he also ignored my texts most of the time. I asked him if he no loner wanted to see me anymore and overloaded texts again and panic set in. He got mad and text me that I was special until I started acting all stalkerish and he doesn't need that in his life. I crossed boundaries and he wasn't going to cut me off because he really does like me but I deserve better. I didn't know what he meant so I text him asking more and more questions. Then next day after ignoring me again I sent him another text asking if we can talk on the phone and he said he would call me after work but then after work said he would try to call me when he got home, and of course never did. So last week he said he needed time to think about if he wants to start over with me but of course I did not give it to him because I was in panic due to him ignoring me. So he got mad and said I couldn't even give him time to think and always throw the same stuff in his face everyday. Just on Saturday after ignoring me for days I text him and said I was going to come and see him after work that he owes me to at least tell me what happened and where things stand. He text me back and said that I hurt too much and he doesn't want to see me now but maybe in the future. I explained to him how I felt and asked him if we could start over to think about it. I asked him that night if he didn't want to see me anymore and he replied with "not right now". I said ok, I was mad and said he never cared about me but I was glad that he was upfront and told me the truth. Then this morning I text him and asked him why he didn't want to see me anymore, what happened....that I was just curious, but he ignored it.

I waited 3 days and text him general and he replied but then I asked to see him and he ignored it. How do I go about getting his trust and fixing this? I know I have to work on me, I get that but I need to have him at least trust me again. Do I go away for a long period then come back? Please help!
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Norman M. replied 9 months ago.

For whatever reason, this man does not want to commit to furthering your relationship. That, I’m afraid, is the botXXXXX XXXXXne. Just look at what has happened over the last short period. First he wants you, then he doesn’t.

You both get angry with each other, frequently.

Ask yourself - is this really a good foundation for a mutually loving and trusting relationship.

I do not think it is, and that it is time for you to move on. If he really wanted to be with you, he would act like it, not just talk about it. Sometimes talk about ´family problems´ is a good indicator that frankly, he is not a good bet.

Better to move on NOW, rather than leaving yourself open to more hurt and disappointment. Leave the ball firmly in his court, and don’t chase after him, or he will continue to manipulate you.

Regards,
Norman.

Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience: ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
Norman M. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency