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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Im stuck - I got really sick in April and I moved back home

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I'm stuck - I got really sick in April and I moved back home to Ontario (from newfoundland) because I thought I had no choice (I had to see a specialist) - this ended up being not entirely true and after about 3 weeks of long distance my girlfriend called it quits. I have been devastated ever since (its been two months). She says there is nothing I can do to change her mind even if I came back (we still talk everyday) but I wake up every morning wanting to go back. I'm in school here for my PhD but I honestly struggle each morning to get myself to go to school - and half the time I dont go because I just dont want it and feel so unmotivated. I got offered a job back in NL and I want to take it but no body thinks its a good idea - everyone thinks I should give up on her and move on in Ontario. But I feel like I'm going to spend my whole life wondering what if I had of gone back... what do you think?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

Your former girlfriend is treating you very cruelly and without regard to your feelings. I don't think that she is doing this on purpose - breaking up yet talking to you every day. Perhaps she thinks that she is letting you down easy but she is not.

Perhaps she feels guilt but she is doing you a big disservice by keeping you hanging on with what is inevitably false hope, since she has definitively broken up with you.

Your lack of motivation is caused by grief driven depression. Grief must be endured as it has a usual cycle before it finally finishes. This grief is similar to death, but it breakups denial is easier than in death, though denial is present in both cases.

Your are also having obsessive thoughts, thinkin that you still have hope and that you must see this through by going back.

If you can afford the time and expense of returning to NL, then do it, even if everyone else thinks its a waste of time.

I think it may be futile, but not a waste of time for it will be therapeutic for you and may finally give this closure if you go back.

It may even foreshoren your grieving period, and there is a slim chance that she will change her mind, although she may have found someone else.

If you can afford it then go and get it out of your system, and take that longshot chance so that you can either be victorious, or end the wondering and find peace through closure.

I wish you happy trails and great success. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I shall keep you in my prayers. Follow your dream and if it doesn't work out, know when to say you are done.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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