Thank you so much for your answer.
I'm not sure if the raspy voice is the thing that bothers me the most, it's the combination as he does the 'pouty' look during sex also. He's a very hands on manly man in the things that he does (building, fixing trucks), and so I really don't think he sees any of these characteristics in himself. I think he views himself as being very masculine.
His father was, from everything I can gather, a narcissistic brute (though he defends him) and his mother was the predominant figure in his life, he's also an only child so I suppose he never had the banter of brothers and sisters (my brother would tell me when I was doing something 'weird' and I likewise to him). He also went to a progressive boarding school from 14. I know he's had all of his girlfriends cheat on him, and I can't help but wonder if this was part of the cause, (though there is no excuse for cheating).
As for being able to joke with him... it's difficult. He's very sensitive and tends to get on the offensive if something is said that is negative. I tried to mention once, while joking, the 'pouty' look and I don't recall it going down very well. He's a very serious man, I'm less serious and make fun of myself a lot.
I met him through the Internet, so we have been prolific in writing (long) emails and we have so far only spent 2-3 weeks in person. He believes I have troubles with intimacy as I would find myself avoiding intimate occasions (flinching internally) simply because of these feminine attributes.
I don't want to be superficial but it takes a lot of confidence, I think, to be able to take these things and not let them affect my desire for him (or his inner beauty). I want to be strong enough to deal with them, but I'm struggling. I've tried fantasizing scenarios with him but I just find that I keep coming back to this particular issue and struggling.
I like the idea of saying something in passing while we're relaxing together but I get so tongue tied and scared of hurting him that I hold it in and then I wind up snapping at something else.
I really appreciate your help. I've never had this problem before and I've been trailing the Internet for advice. It would actually be wonderful if there was a blog out there on this issue!