Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
For how long were you together and what led you to end your relationship?
The behaviors you have described do not show any significant real interest in this person about you. But you are the only one who know this person closely, know how he used to think, feel, react and value things, then use such experience to effectively assess this present situation.
I'll be here looking forward your reply, or if you could join the chat for us to talk about it.
we were together for a year and i dont know why it ended and still dont ive heard many things hes told people but hasnt told me.
I am sorry to hear this happened this way. It is very frustrating , sad and I'd say abusive for a person to just leave and end a relationship without any valid reason like he did.
Such behavior is without doubt immature, very dysfunctional and abusive, and I do not believe anybody deserve to go through such a situation under any circumstance.
When a person acts the way he did , it would not be wise to expose yourself to the same situation again, unless you know for sure, not because of words but from concrete actions that such person has truly changed and matured, and for that to happen real work and time are necessary, which I do not see you have mentioned any in your message, but immature and manipulative behavior.once he knows how you feel, how he left you and how his actions could affect you.
Well we were really strong for the longest time and everything was smoothly going but hockey started to change him and then things just went downhill really really fast...
He was mature while we were together and it changed when we ended..
I am sorry to know how much he changed. When assessing how a good match a person could be for dating you need to take into account what experience shows you. If a person shows sensitivity, affection and caring about you and then suddenly changes, it would mean that person was playing a role more than being truly genuine and honest, since a mature and honest person does not suddenly transforms into an immature and insensitive person.
thats very true... it kills me that that happened but he did have a big ego...a very big ego...so i feel like that didnt help much at all
You bet it doesn't. I believe that even when it's been this painful for you, it's much better for you to have awaken to reality this soon than attaching yourself even more and making your life depend on a person like him, who does not deserve you at all.
yes thats true...i miss him all the time and it kills me when i see hes talking to other girls and he brought out the true happiness of me and i am happy but its not like it was and i saw a future with him...
It is very painful, but as sad and frustrating as it may sound, life requires painful experiences for us to learn,mature and grow wiser, to take better care of ourselves and not to allow people to use, abuse or neglect us under any circumstance.
so did you say u didnt see that he has any interest in me?
Yes, I think he may have an interest but not one that would be healthy for you
People who are immature and even abusive, would try to do as much as they can to keep the people they use or abuse as long as possible, since they feel empowered by it. his is why trusting and allowing yourself to be influenced or manipulated by people like him would never be a healthy choice.
oh! so u think i should try be done done?
Yes, I believe that based on your story this person is far from deserving you and your love, and could not be a healthy presence in you life at all.
okay it will take me a really long time being its taken me 8 months and im still broken but i can try..
You need to, it's never easy but necessary and worthy.
It is a process and you would not only heal, but learn, and become wiser and stronger from it, and you would not have to go through the same pain in the future, you would know better, and even feel grateful for having had this painful but very helpful experience.
If you do not want to relapse an self-sabotage, consider individual counseling as the ideal source of support for you to work on yourself, and for effective coping. Feel free to contact me since I am willing to support you as possible.
Avoid isolating yourself or passively fueling unhealthy thoughts or hopes around something that does not match reality, be totally truthful with yourself, and take consistent action, getting around healthy people, getting into activities, experiences and friendships that happen to be truly healthy, meaningful and fulfilling, that way you would not be wasting your energy in self-destructive patterns or allowing anybody to fool you using attachment or feelings involved.
I support you. Thank you for your trust.
Remember to keep in touch to follow up. I am here to support you.
I texted him today... i know i shouldnt have but i did and it hurt me..
I just couldnt handle it cause i missed him and i was in his town last night and today...
Am i really actually obsessive?