Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about your loss. Nobody but you know how it feels to undergo such a tragedy.
Is there more that I need to tell you?
I am not sure how this works.
You're welcome. How was your relationship and what support have you received to work on your grieving process?
We had a very bonded relationship. We were happy and in a very good place. I have just immersed myself with school and work and his sister and close friends are near by and here often
Was his death something you were expecting because of a medical condition?
A heart attack. He lived for two days and looked as if he would be recovering then had an anuersym
I see, that's truly sad. Have you had psychological support?
I'm not comfortable with telling people "problems" face to face, let alone at all
I am very sorry, this was really a tragedy. You said you have immersed yourself into academic and work related activities, have you done this after allowing your grief to complete its necessary process, or have you been repressing your sorrow and the pain from what happened?
Then you have been holding it your pain for all this long right?
I still can't really believe it
I still feel like he will be walking through the door at any moment
Maybe in my dreams he is telling me to let go
That means you are still in shock phase, having a hard time coming to terms with reality, and perhaps it is from that core that you have pushed yourself into getting this busy, just to avoid feeling the pain from it.
That could be the case. It is normal for somebody who suffers a loss like your to try to attach to any hope, and if denial and avoidance fuel them, they would be taken as long as possible to keep you functioning
I one time had a moment, when I was driving home where the reality of it sparked in my mind. It over whelmed me to the point I thought I would explode and just like that, it was gone
To interpret your dreams as a way for him to tell you to move on would be a wise and healthy way to approach it. You know you truly loved each other, and that's something that you will treasure everyday of your life, and because of that love you need to continue taking good care of your life, to process your pain , embracing it and then letting go.
I know I would not be able to handle that truth again if it was more than a glimpse.
I truly don't know if I could ever believe I will never see him again.
Please, do look for professional psychotherapeutic support and stick to it with consistency until you could truly heal from this painful experience, otherwise it would continue undermining your life in obvious or subtle ways, it could literally lead to develop serious mental health disorders, and that's something you do not need, want nor deserve, and I am sure he would never want something like that for you.
Okay. Thank you for your time
I appreciate you listening
I know what you mean, the problem is that by denying reality and repressing your pain, you could create the illusion of superficial tranquility, while within yourself the pain would undermine your mood, mental health and even your physical health, and sooner or later you would have to ope with it, but the difference would be that you would also have to afford the extra pain or suffering caused by avoiding to work on your healing process much earlier.
Thank you for being this open here and for your trust. Pleas take gentle care and seriously consider consistent and regular psychotherapy and a support group for grief.
Thank you :) Have a good day
You're welcome. You too :o) Bye for now.