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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1820
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hello. This is a "Relationship" and "Etiquette" question. I

Resolved Question:

Hello. This is a "Relationship" and "Etiquette" question. I don't get along well with my landlords because I'm not considered "perfect" in their eyes whereas the other two ladies who live in this basement apartment are considered "perfect". There is a door that connects the basement to the main level via a staircase. They like to leave that door open. They have said things tonight that make me feel very sad, for example: "I don't like her. I'd wish that she'd leave. I wish that I didn't allow her to stay." I hear these things because the door is open to this staircase. Is there anything that I can do in this situation?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.

Dear XXXXX :

Thank you for your question.

Dear XXXXX :

I think you should confront the situation.

Dear XXXXX :

It is not fair that you have to hear all these things about yourself and they never even got to know you.

Dear XXXXX :

I think you should tell them that you have over heard some of the things that they have said.

Dear XXXXX :

You should be able to feel comfortable in your home. Your home is a place that where you should be relaxed and not have to worry about being the perfect tenant.

Customer:

I feel like I have to be the perfect tenant all of the time.

Customer:

I also feel a little bit like Cinderella since it seems like I'm the one who takes out the trash and the recycling most of the time.

Customer:

I get treated like a second-class citizen every day, and I hate it.

Dear XXXXX :

You should not have to feel like you have to be perfect because you need to be you.

Customer:

I can't relax and be myself.

Customer:

I made the mistake of signing a contract.

Dear XXXXX :

You want them to et to know you for who you are, most of the times when people talk about other is because they do not feel good about themselves.

Customer:

They have been doing everything possible to try to avoid me.

Dear XXXXX :

You mentioned you signed a contract, if you do not want to stay I would talk with the landlord.

Dear XXXXX :

It is not fair for you to have to come home and have people talking about you.

Dear XXXXX :

It's very hard to ignore what they are saying when you can hear them.

Dear XXXXX :

They should take the time to get to know you instead of judging you every second.

Dear XXXXX :

I think you should tell them that you have not even got a chance for them to get to know you.

Customer:

It is very hard to focus on my schoolwork and in class because of this.

Dear XXXXX :

This is effecting your life and I feel that being yourself is what you have to do now. If they do not like you then they are missing out.

Dear XXXXX :

They should not be talking about you and they should be focusing on their own lives. They should not be so consumed about what you are doing and just move on with their lives.

Dear XXXXX :

I want you to think about how it is effecting you because you need to focus on your school work.

Dear XXXXX :

That is important.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to think about what these people mean too you. If you were to move out tomorrow they would no longer be a part of your life.

Customer:

The other two floormates are considered "perfect" because they talk a lot (like Chatty Cathy dolls, in my opinion), like to dress up, and know exactly what they want with their lives.

Customer:

I don't like to shop. I'm shy, and I'm still searching for the perfect career for me.

Dear XXXXX :

They should accept you for who you are. They should not be judging you because who is to say that they are write. Not everyone likes to shop, not everyone is outgoing, and you are taking your time finding out what you want to do.

Dear XXXXX :

That is the person you are everyone is different in their own way.

Customer:

Well, I get treated like a second-class citizen because of it.

Customer:

I've taken out the trash and the recycling most of the time, and I've even scrubbed the communal kitchen floor.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to surround yourself with positive people and unfortunately you are around people who are constantly judging you. But you do not have to listen too them on how to live your life. You have to do what is best for you.

Dear XXXXX :

You are doing your part in the home. You are taking out the trash, cleaning.

Dear XXXXX :

They should appreciate what you are doing.

Customer:

They don't.

Customer:

What do you suggest that I do in this situation?

Customer:

Should I stay and deal with it, or should I leave?

Dear XXXXX :

I feel you should try to leave because I do not feel this is a good environment for you. You should not have to worry about trying to please people that you could never please because they are so judgmental. If you decide to stay and deal with it you will not be happy and be distracted.

Dear XXXXX :

But you are under contract so I will talk to your landlord first to see if you are able to leave.

Customer:

You are right. I would be distracted.

Customer:

My parents helped me move in, and they would prefer that I stay.

Customer:

But, if I did, I wouldn't be happy.

Customer:

Should I still talk to the landlords?

Dear XXXXX :

That was very nice of your parents to help you move in and be supportive, but they will understand that you can not stay in a place that you are uncomfortable.

Dear XXXXX :

You still do need to talk with your landlord because he needs to tell you if he will let you out of your contract.

Customer:

Okay. I will have to talk to the landlord then.

Customer:

Is there anything I can do to cheer myself up?

Dear XXXXX :

Yes, I want you to think about all the people that accept you for you and care about you and not think about the other tenants. They missed out on getting to know you and I feel it is their loss for not taking the time. They decided to waste their time on judging you instead of getting to know a good person. I want you to focus on your school work. Moving out should have been a good experience for you, but this was a learning experience and you will find a plea where you are accepted.

Dear XXXXX :

Always be yourself and let people get to know the real you.

Customer:

I can't really relax because most people that I know don't like the real me.

Customer:

I'm a conservative, and most people that I know are liberals.

Customer:

In the past, I've expressed some conservative ideas, and I was "chewed out" by the liberals.

Customer:

hated, dispised

Dear XXXXX :

You have the right to your opinion and there are so many people that will accept you for you.

Customer:

Not really.

Dear XXXXX :

No matter what you should be yourself. You want to feel comfortable in speaking your mind.

Dear XXXXX :

You just have not found the right people. But you will.

Customer:

If I have to stay, what can I do to deal with all of this drama and not let it distract me?

Dear XXXXX :

I know it is hard to ignore, but you need to ignore it. If they know it bothers you they will continue, but if they think it does not bother you, then they will go on with their lives.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to focus on you and not cater to people that do not understand you.

Customer:

I am difficult to understand because I am a unique person.

Customer:

I love opera, and my family is in the fireworks business.

Dear XXXXX :

Being unique is good because you are your own person. People should accept your unique qualities. There are so many people that love the opera. I feel that you should be connecting with people that enjoy the same things. There are so many groups that just like to discuss the opera.

Customer:

Thank you for your help.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1820
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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