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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Getting back with an Ex, for good? Me and my exboyfriend

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Getting back with an Ex, for good?

Me and my exboyfriend met at really difficult stages in ourlifes.Together for 2 years. When things where good they where great, when they where bad.His temper was It was bad. And so it became like that. Until we broke up, even thou we loved each other.. we ended up taking charge of our faults ,in our different ways and its stung. So i tried to move on. 8 months later I met someone, who was different, who I thought I can have a healthy relationship, I admire this person, I am attracted to him, and I do care for him. I already have said I love you.Been together 3 weeks, known him 3 months we communicate well, He meets my intellect, its a good prospect.we can build on. And as I have come to know, those feelings of love have stages...So I began to grow something for him. Than My ex boyfriends comes in Pix. He had renewed a insurance policy for me, said he wanted me to be taken care of , wanted to make sure I was good. Few days later a call, where he stated he misses me. That He needed his beake time to seek therapy and realize his mistakes.He says he known himself better and can cope with his emotions in better way. he feels he is missing his other half..me. Than Asked me if I was in relationship, I admited and he asked me to stop, reconsider. to condsider leaving my current Bf , and asked me to marry him, he proposed. He wants me to take my time, thinking it over, he says he was compeled to this this bc he had build so much, and he wasnt ready to give up. he is sorry to interupt my course in away but in a way he needed to try. I am feeling irrational about this. I dont know If I love him enough to go ahead. I am contemplating ,Help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help with this situation.

Your ex boyfriend has an anger control issue. It may be due to having Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a situation that is not easily resolved. His good intentions to change may not be easily realized.

You are in a wonderful relationship now, and are very fortunate. You are building a bond, and have already expressed your love for him. He is your type of man. Your ex may be very attractive to you and you have built a bond with him over time, which you had just about broken.

He will pull you back down if you let him persuade you with words and an insurance policy.

The new guy is a much better insurance policy and he will be kind to you and look after you.

Leave the past behind. Don't marry a man with bad emotional problems on the promise that he will fix it. That is not very sound reasoning and will only lead to more heartache and the end of a great relationship.

He is doing this for himself. If he is borderline then he cannot stand rejection.

My instincts and my long professional experience tells you to tell the ex that it is over. Don't jeopardize this good relationship by going back to a failed relationship because HE wants you to. That does not make good sense and you will soon regret it - after the first time he loses his temper.

I wish you strength, wisdom, and fidelity to your new boyfriend. Going back is a bad risk and I urge you to turn him down and stick with the one who will treat you right.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I hear your advice. and realize that infact yes, I am putting at risk a healthy relationship.. Over a relationship that was rocky, THe ex has been seeking therapy, and I dont expect change, but I expect him to be better equipt to handle his emotions.. I deeply care for this person, but also want to be in a heatlhy loving relationship....I am going to take this calmly and hope to dear god I make the decision I need to make. And your right premise w=is very important. Thank you.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Gaby,

You are very welcome. I am glad to hear that you are going to give this a lot of thought.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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