Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring woman. And he is a loving and caring man. Everything is really perfect. Except that he wants to reserve the right to say he's had enough at any moment, or that he's no longer interested, or whatever else might end the relationship if he wants to end it.
This is so hard because it is clear your heart wants to reach out and embrace a real love relationship with him. And for you that means that he is important to you and you are important to him. Being important to you means that you wouldn't just leave. You are committed. And this scares him.
From what you wrote at the beginning, he still hasn't officially severed his marriage. He is still legally in that relationship. This confuses the issue even more. But his heart is with you, though he is scared to give his heart fully.
This is him. But we need to worry about you. We need to find a perspective that allows you to act based on your needs. Because he is certainly acting from his own needs. He is enjoying a beautiful love with you without sacrificing his own conviction that he will remain free to say yes or no at any time he wishes. But we need to find the way for you to act based on your needs and what's good to you.
Therefore, the correct perspective for you is not an all or nothing decision. Your needs right now are not to decide to stay or leave with him. You also are enjoying this beautiful love with him. But you know that this love needs to either become true love or you need to move on to find someone who can be a true love, not just a beautiful momentary love.
So, give yourself a timetable. And let him know that you find the relationship wonderful and satisfying but only to a point. It is not fully wonderful and satisfying; it has a part that is unfulfilled and not whole. And that part is security and trust. Any relationship of love that is whole and fulfilled requires both people to take a chance on each other and to say yes for the long term, not just the moment.
That's why, you're telling him, you're enjoying the love as he is but you are looking to see if he is willing to fully love you so you know if this is something that will continue past your timetable. Whether it's 3 months or 6 months. Because if you truly look within yourself, you tell him, you see that the real perspective is that you are seeking a full and complete love, not only a beautiful momentary love.
And then keep to your timetable. And fully enjoy this love, because you can't demand from him more than he is willing to give. But he also can't demand from you less than you need to receive.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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