How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Bonnie Your Own Question

Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Bonnie is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What is the difference between reacting and discussing things

This answer was rated:

What is the difference between reacting and discussing things calmly with your partner? Can you give me some examples?
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,

When a person reacts to a situation, it is one-way communication and can be destructive. The person gives an emotional response which may be a behavior or may be words said with an emotional tone (angry, sad). The person may say, in an angry voice: "Why did you spend all that money on clothes. You are so selfish and only think of yourself. I am so mad I cannot think." and then, walks away.

In a discussion, the conversation is two-way with give-and-take. A person may say, in a calm voice, "Honey, I am upset that you spent that money on clothes because we can't afford it right now. How can we problem-solve this together so that you can buy clothes AND I won't get so mad." A discussion involves one person beginning with an "I-statement" = I feel ____ when you _____ and I would like to discuss this with you. Another strategy is called speaker/listener technique used when discussions are difficult:

I hope this is what you are looking for.
Dr. Bonnie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions