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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5576
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hi Cathy or whomever is available: I am very depressed because

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Hi Cathy or whomever is available: I am very depressed because my brother talked my mom into giving our family lakeshore property to his son and my two other nephews. My mom is doing it because she feels it should stay in our family, however she overlooked myself and my other brother. I am so hurt that I don't care to associate with my mom or my brother who did this. It is not all final but he is talking to an attorney to get this underway before she kicks the bucket so to speak,, I am speechless because I trusted my mom and brother along with my sister to work together on any inheritance issues. What should I do as I am having a real struggle coping with all of this and it has been going on for about a month now. My mother refuses to listen to me about other options that would make us all happy. Any input would greatly be appreciated.Thanks!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It can be very difficult to cope with a parent who excludes their other children in favor of one child. And it sounds like that is exactly what your mother did. She either felt that your brother's argument for letting his son have her property was the best option, or she somehow favors your brother and his son for some reason or another.

Whatever her reasoning, what you are going through is unfair to you and your other brother. And you have a right to feel hurt. There is a sense of injustice and it is natural to want to right a wrong.

It sounds like you have already tried talking to your mother but she refuses to listen. Because of that, you might need to try another avenue. You can try talking to your other brother and seeing if he is willing to talk to your mother with you. If that does not work, you can try talking to your brother, the one whose son will get the property. Try approaching them in a nice way, saying you just want to talk about what happened. See if they will listen. Suggest sharing the property or some other arrangement that allows you to visit and/or stay some time each year. It may not be exactly what you deserve out of the situation, but it is a compromise.

If you cannot get anywhere with either your mother or brother, you may not be able to do anything about your mom's choices. However, you can let her know how her choice has hurt you. If she will not speak to you, then you can write her a letter telling her what you feel as a result of her decision. Try to be as kind but as firm as you can. You may or may not get a response, but at least this will allow you to express your feelings over her decision.

You might also try letting go of your emotions over the situation. It is not easy because it was a loss and a betrayal. But it helps to know that what your mom and brother are doing is wrong and you are the wronged person. Forgiving them is hard but it also allows you some peace. Try to do something good for yourself as well. Listing all of your blessings, taking a day for yourself as a treat and getting away for a bit can help. It gives you time to think and allows you to work on letting go. Here are some resources to help you:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201002/how-forgive-others

http://christianity.about.com/od/topicaldevotions/a/How-To-Forgive.htm

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have done all of the above, but I guess what really hurts is that my husband and I have spent the last 15 years going to the cabin every weekend during the summer just so my parents could be there as the were aging, now that my dad is out of the picture they all come around wanting to take over and talking my mom into it. I don't have any children to leave the cabin to so I am sure this is why she is doing this. The thing is, my mom will not be eligible for Medicaid if she simply gives it away. They are gambling that she will just fall over dead I guess. Yes, it is difficult to get over betrayal. I feel the others were jealous because they chose to miss out on years of time with mom and dad....I guess I am blessed to have had those years. But now I am also suffering verbal abuse whenever I try to talk to any of them about the matter..I deserve better so I have chosen to stay away from all of them but it really hurts!

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
I understand. If you have already done all that I suggested, then you may want to just focus on trying to forgive. It sounds like there is little you can do to change your mom's mind if you have tried to talk to her already and you have written her a letter about your feelings as well. Those are great steps to take in order to try to fix the situation. But if it is unfixable and your mom is willing to give away her cabin even knowing that it is going to hurt her financially, then unfortunately it is her choice. The only other way to deal with this situation is legally and it sounds like from your "already tried" information that you are pursuing this option. So working on forgiveness is the best way to put it behind you. It is very unfair but sometimes accepting that can set you free from your pain.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5576
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Kate McCoy
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues