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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hi , i am a woman in her 40"s was married once before. i met

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hi , i am a woman in her 40"s was married once before. i met a guy last year hes in his 50s was married twice before. we immediately hit it off . anyway it went thru some rocky times and i disappeared on several occasions . i know i hurt him badly . but didnt realize the error of my ways until recently . i want to get back with him . he knows this . he ended it the last time about amonthand a half ago , i not sure the reason why now,. anyway i didn discover he had fooled around with someone while he was out of down several weeks earlier . - i found out because i was on his laptop with his permission and i saw this message , from the content of the message they didnt have sex but def kissed and stuff . i didnt say anything about it actually was too shocked to react plus kept thinking maybe it was wrong of me to be looking at his fb page . any way , he knows i want to get back . whats the right way to go about it now . i saw him at a hiking event this past weeek , i let him make the moves . he came over smiled , and kissed me , spent the whole time on the hike in my company . a mutual guy friend also hung with us all the tim e. he said hed call meat the end . now what . how do i show him ive changed and to give us a another chance ??/
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear XXXXXe Marie,

I believe that I can help in this situation.

It sounds as if your relationship is on the mend. He showed great interest in you on the hike, was affectionate and attentive, and promised to get back with you.

This is so very encouraging and it seems that you could soon be back with him.

How do you show him you have changed, you ask?

The answer is, by being consistent, one day at a time. Restoring confidence is an act that includes proper behavior that shows thoughtullness, respect, honesty, and caring, and which continues in the manner over time. Time is one of the dimensions of healing, and as you are a nurse, you know that wounds will heal if they are nurtured and treated gently.

You are in a wonderful position right now to show him who you are, one day at a time until you win him back completely, and after that, continue on the same course, one day at a time to hold on to him.

When he sees that life if much better with you then without you, and he will if you continue nurturing, then you will have made your point and won him over and he will keep you in his heart.

My prayers are with you.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you for the response . you give me a lot of hope. but im still not sure how to do it . we left it the day of the hike that he would call me. that was sunday . ihavent heard anything since . i had written him a letter a week ago saying how sorry i was for my behavior that i was foolish to let some things get in our way and that i knew words were not enough , that i had to show him i had changed . etc etc . he never responded to that letter , should i resend it ? i m not sure how to show him ive changed . do i consistently show up for activities that we bot sign up for . we are members of various meetup groups , hiking and dining out single event ones. hes very outgoing and active . do i send cards . we live about 12 miles from each other . i m just not sure how to do it can you elaborate on that for me ? thanks

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear XXXXXe Marie,

It is possible that he didn't get the letter. Tell him that you are not sure if you sent it correctly and so you are resending it.

Perhaps he didn't get it, or perhaps he was uncertain at the time and when he gets it (or gets it again) he will respond.

You will see him at other meetups if he doesn't respond, and you can ask him to get together with you for dinner.

Once you get a chance to be with him then you a begin to show him your consistency and the "new" you.

Only actions will prove that you have changed, and they must be over time.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear XXXXXe Marie,

Thank you so much. May God bless and protect you. Amen.

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you. it really helps getting input from another perspective .

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much, Anne Marie, and may you be blessed.

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi , its been a week , i resent the letter and also sent a facebook friend request ( i had initially blocked him during one of our earlier spats months ago) but not a word back and i noticed hes signed up for every available singles meet up event for the next two months like maybe 30 events after work and over the weekends . and i ve seen photos of him this past week cozy with some other women. Also the past 6 months have been very difficut for me as i lost my job , my car ( almost 20 yr old , started breaking down ) and my tenants who rented my apt stopped paying their rent 3 months ago after i lost my job i let them know i wouldnt be able to renew the lease as i need to move back there to have some sort of housing , and im running out of money , my emergency fund is almost depleated , and my CC's are all maxed out now that i have no income , as i was in a cash job and i get no child support - shared custody my son is 17 = he just came home earler this year from residential treatment and his situation while at his dads is not great lot of tension as dad moved in with a woman while he was away and now dad doesnt have much time for him hes all about his girlfriend . i dont have a regular place to live , ive been on friends couches, cheap hotels and sometimes air bnb a friend has let me use a room ar her place for 2 months . but i cant bring my son there. all i want from my ex bf is companionship and just his love and hugs . i am struggling to pay the mortgage on the apt . i used some emergecy savings to get a lawyer to start the eviction process , we have court this week while i am doing a work trial- lawyerr said i dont have to go . my ex bf was with me when they stopped paying initially and even served the rent demand to them . i feel completely abandoned and alone and not sure where to turn . , but just having him back would make it all less painful . what should i do mow , thanks anne marie .

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear XXXXXe Marie,

I am so sorry for your rather desperate financial situation. You must get out there and go from place to place trying to find any kind of work possible from fast food to retail work to janitorial to office work. Anything is better than nothing.

Your man friend seems to be a confirmed bachelor and a player, and is trying to meet as many women as possible. He is. it seems, more interested in quantity and variety, then in settling down with one woman.

You may not be the only woman who feels he abandoned her.

If you are not getting a positive response from him, then you need to move on and try to meet someone else.

You now have to provide for your son as well. Your husband should provide some child support for him and if he does not can be forced to by the courts.

Do not let yourself be overcome by this difficult situation. You must fight back and you must establish an income. Any work is better than none.;

I have a client who was in dire straits similar to yours. She started a house cleaning business and is earning over $1000 per week, some of it off the books. If you made a fraction of that you could survive.

If your son is finished with school he could help you as well.

Use all of your resources to get financially stable first. That is number one.

I shall keep you in my prayers;

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

wow thank you for the feedback . my son doesnt graduate until hes 19 but i am thankful tha t he has come a long way to actually want to finish high school and go to college this was not the situation ayear ago . .


i am willing to give my ex a little more time -his mom is sick and he is been taking care of her alot. his birthday is XXXXX up soon , i like to do something special for i him as i messed it up last year , what do you recommend . thankfully i may have a few potential job offers coming up , but i may have to sell the apt as soon as i get it back before my emer , fund dries up . not much profit in it but i dont want it to foreclose


 


my ex husband keeps our somn now for most of the time . he spends 2 weekends at a local hotel with me in the same room . i guess hes at least doing something to help. but he has told our son hes throwing himout when hes 18 , but my son told him he cant because he ll still be at school.


thanks again for the feedback , it helps me keep a clear head , anne marie

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 12 months ago.
Dear XXXXXe Marie,

Something personal that requires some effort and is always appreciated would be dinner and a birthday cake, as much of it homemade as possible.

That would be special and allow you all to celebrate together

Thank you so much. I wish you great blessings.


Warm regards.

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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