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Norman M.
Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
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I have always had a hard time with female friends. I have always

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I have always had a hard time with female friends. I have always been the type of girl who had more guy friends than girl friends. Im at an age I am kinda tired not having lasting relationships with girl friends. What causes this? How do I make girl friends at 32?

Hello again. I hope you are not getting bored with me picking up your questions.

There are two questions here, aren’t there?

The first one is about why your relationships don’t last, and the second is how do you go about making new girlfriends.

Let’s look at the last one first. I guess you know this instinctively, but what people love most (especially women) is someone who will listen to them!

That means giving them a chance to open up and tell all as it were, and in another answer to you, I spoke about using open questions - that applies here too. When you do use open questions, the other party thinks "Hey, Isn’t Jenny great - she’s really interested in what I have to say!" You are then off to a fabulous start.

Here is a little quote from “The Elephant Child”, by Rudyard Kipling:

I keep six honest serving-men

(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are XXXXX XXXXX Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
I send them over land and sea, I send them east and west;
But after they have worked for me, I give them all a rest.

In other words I listen to the replies.

All these great conversation starters – what, why, when and so on show you are interested, and keep the chat going.

Put yourself out and around the activities, clubs, places where likely girlfriends go, and get to work. Interact using the skills you are learning. Invite potential friends – for coffee, home or whatever. You’ll be amazed at what you can do. Have a look here – it is great advice:

http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm

Why don’t your relationships last? That depends to a great extent as to how they die, and who terminates them. Look over your past ´failed´ (how I hate that word) relationships with other women, and ask yourself “What happened there?”, “What could I have done differently?”, and write down the answers. The simple act of writing these things down will bring you a depth of clarity that you don’t have at the moment, and you’ll begin to understand what you might do in future.

Meantime, it seems to me that there are a lot of ladies out there missing out on a great friend! Best, Norman.

Norman M. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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