I really appreciate the advice you gave me. I thought long and hard about it and something just isn't right. I couldn't bring myself to say anything or ask him to do that. I think I know in my heart that he isn't where I would need him to be for a realtionship. I also think that he has trust issues from his first and last girlfriend cheating on him while he was stationed overseas in Japan.
I don't think that I want to be the girl he gets over those issues with or experiements getting over them with. I want him, I do. I hate the idea of him with anyone else, but I also know that he needs to go out and experience life a bit more. He isn't ready to settle and he told me from the beginning that he doesn't do distance. So I won't ask it of him.
I love him. With every fiber of my being, which is a joy and a curse. But, they say if you love something you have to let it go... right? I guess, I also need to do some of my own exploring. Get settled with what I want from my career and from myself as a human being. Kind of learn more about me.
I think my only thought now is do I tell him I love him? Is that selfish to do? I don't even think he loves me back. He is so protective of any type of vulnerability, which is understandable. I know he has it in him to be loving, affectionate and vulnerable given time, because he has the most loving family. Yet, I don't think he is mentally ready to take that leap. And I won't settle for having less than all of him. So, my question is now, I won't see him before I move this week. Can I write him a short letter telling him that I am in love with him?
I feel like I should tell him for my own peace of mind, because not every day is guaranteed and I don't want to ever say I didn't take the chance to say what I needed too. I want him to know that someone else loves him, is proud of him and believes in him aside from his family. I want him to continue being friends with me. But I also don't want him to think that this means I am asking anything from him, because I am not. I hope he loves me, I know he likes me and is interested in me but I don't think he is there yet mentally to love and be vulnerable like that.
I am just not sure what to do. Oh, silly young love! I feel like I am in high school asking such things.