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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Good Morning I am 55 year old man I a relationship for

Customer Question

Good Morning
I am 55 year old man
I a relationship for a month
The girl I'm with , finds it necessary to
Tell me when other guys ask to take her for a drink
Etc
I told her I trust her and I don't want to hear about any of this
Is she trying to make me jealous?
I find it annoying.
Why is she doing that
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please clarify if you have directly confronted her behavior making it clear you feel this annoyed by it?

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Private
JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Yes I have confronted. And said its annoying
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, and she chooses to disregards your request and keeps doing it?

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : No. She said she won't do It anymore
JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Did I do the right thing by saying something
JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Why do you think she is doing that
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is always necessary to be honest ad open if what you want is to build a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship, then I would not say you did the worn thing by telling her how you feel and expected.You made it clear you trust her and that she does not need to tell you about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Is she accepting all those invitations, or she meant to tell you these other men where trying to take her but she has not accepted any of those invitations?

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Why do you think she is telling me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

A person who cars and is very honest could feel the need to tell her partner about such situations, just to feel she is being consistent with your commitment...

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : She is not accepting
JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : I don't like games
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Other people could feel afraid of being judged and would present the same behavior our of fear and anxiety.

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : I'm not following. What partner? I'm the partner
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

While other women in her shoes would do it while trying to manipulate her partner fueling jealousy as you said. But since she has not been accepting and stopped her behavior once you confronted it, then it seems it was either the first or second option, and not about manipulation.

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Do you think it's to try and make me jealous?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does she use to be be respectful, caring about your feelings and expectations, listens to you and tries to please you, respecting your boundaries?

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : It's to new to know
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That's why I said, since you are her partner, she could have felt the need and responsibility to tell you about these incidents, to feel comfortable and consistent with your relationship, without hiding anything.

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : I think she does it out of trying to get a rise
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, you just started. It's from her consistent actions in time, more than from her words that you would find out more about the nature of her feelings, personality, intentions, expectations and what she wants to build with you in this relationship.

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : A rise out of me. Which she did. Try to make me think and jealous
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then if you truly believe that was her intention, you did the right thing by confronting her behavior, setting a boundary about it.

JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : I don't know yet
JACUSTOMER-csc32zr3- : Would you want your relationship telling you this
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are right, you could endlessly speculate about it, but since you just started to share and know this person, it would not be very helpful to make rigid assumptions about her behavior, much better would be to keep an open mind, to be mindful and observe her behavior, if she shows any patterns around trying to push or manipulate you using jealousy, if she respects or not your boundaries, and in that way you would know how mature, caring she is, and how compatible you are.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

As I said before, the same behavior could be driven by a manipulative intention, or a need to be fully honest and open, without hiding anything from you, or because of experiencing anxiety if not telling you what happened. A mixture in different levels of these factors could happen, and would differ depending on each specific person.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
9/10/13 12:41 PM
You are right, you could endlessly speculate about it, but since you just started to share and know this person, it would not be very helpful to make rigid assumptions about her behavior, much better would be to keep an open mind, to be mindful and observe her behavior, if she shows any patterns around trying to push or manipulate you using jealousy, if she respects or not your boundaries, and in that way you would know how mature, caring she is, and how compatible you are.
9/10/13 12:43 PM
As I said before, the same behavior could be driven by a manipulative intention, or a need to be fully honest and open, without hiding anything from you, or because of experiencing anxiety if not telling you what happened. A mixture in different levels of these factors could happen, and would differ depending on each specific person.
9/10/13 12:44 PM
Does it make sense?

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