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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi I have a question its very important for my culture to

Customer Question

Hi
I have a question it's very important for my culture to be Virgin to get married but once 4 years ago I was daring someone who left me because his family didn't like me but it was too late for me to stop from happening because it had already happened between us, now after four years I'm engaged to some one my family liked for me he is a very nice boy really nice and I really love him lots. My question is that will he find out that I'm not Virgin when I was with my ex I have done it few times then after that we broke up,snd since then I wasn't active it's been long time. Help me please what to do I have to I can't tell the truth otherwise my family will be really upset snd they might disown me snd he will break up if h finds out. I can't lose him because I have really fall in love with him..
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. I understand how sensitive this issue must be for you. And it must be causing you great anxiety. You are right to take this seriously. And I'm glad that you have asked for help with this because this is very important.

Virginity is established two ways in women. The first and most important way is through the presence of the hymen, which is the membrane like tissue that covers the vaginal opening. The second way is not always present and that is a certain amount of pain and tightness during intercourse the first time or first few times.

Now, the hymen can be broken and thus disappear in a number of ways. For example, a girl can lose her hymen by riding a boy's bicycle (they have a bar higher up than a girl's bike) and if she has an accident and falls hard on top of the bar, it can break the hymen. If she were to hit a hole in the road and the bike lost control, for example.

This is the most common way along with tree climbing or playing a stick game and falling on the stick, for example. So, you need to decide on an accident you had when you were a girl. Make sure you have all the details already in place: when, where, why you didn't tell your parents, etc. And that it hurt so much you couldn't walk for about a half hour, you remember, though it seemed like forever.

Then, when you have intercourse with your husband, moan from some pain but tell him how much you want him to continue. If he asks why no bleeding, then tell him that you had an accident when you were young but that it's still painful because it's new and you're a virgin.

Now, this is important: no matter what, don't ever tell him about your relationship with your ex. Not even about any friendship. You will be tempted. But don't ever. This is your secret and it needs to remain this way forever.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thanks so much for the reply you are so right it's been nights that I haven't sleep. So stressed. He was my first boyfriend but now it's been 3 years we broke up and since then never dated anyone or been with anyone. This is just a stressful situation because I can't tell the truth I just think sometimes life sucks being a different culture living in a country like this. I just hope he understands me and doesn't leave me. I can't tell anyone or about this really my parents will be really hurt and I can't lose them and this guy my faince is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life and if anything god forbidden happens i will for sure die I don't know what kind of story to tell him. Can you come up with something That I can always keep in mind and tell him about it. Please

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
Yes, the bicycle is probably the best. That you borrowed a bicycle when you were a teenager (you'll need to choose an age that would work with where you were) from a boy (either relative, school friend, neighbor, etc.) and you were riding. A park, if possible. And one of the concrete slabs was sticking up and you didn't see it and your bike jerked up and you came down so hard on the bar that your insides felt like they had been ripped up. Your panties had some blood on them, but you only noticed that later at home and so you threw them right in the garbage because you were ashamed. But at the time, you just doubled over in pain on the grass. You were so relieved nobody was there and when you saw other people you quickly sat up so it looked like nothing had happened because you were in such pain in your middle but you were so ashamed. And it wasn't until you got home and saw the blood stain on the panties that you realized something had happened but you didn't know enough about it to know what it was. Then when you were older, married women told you about having sex with your husband and what it was like and you remembered that had happened.


So, fill in this story with details that will work based on where you were at that age and where this may have happened. And how even now when you remember that bike, it hurts. And how it took you so long to feel like you could even stand up and walk, you had to walk the bike for a while before you could slowly ride it and return it.


Keep practicing the story over and over.


And then relax. Because this has happened to many girls so be confident.


I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thanks so much. You think not being active for 3 years will make any difference ???

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
It won't make a difference in the hymen, but it will make it a little sore during intercourse most likely. So, play that up about being sore but wanting him. He will want to hear that you want him but also that you feel sore down there, okay?


My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Oh my goodness I feel like my life is so complicated I regret for doing evetyping jn my past I wish I didn't have :(:( I just there are many guys out there that they play with girls and leave them the funny is that m ex was From same culture he did that to me. He left me with no options but. now that I love someone truly from my heart want to spend the rest of my life with cant tell him the truth because I don't want to lose him at all. This love is just so crazy and I'm crazy in love with him. I wish I didn't have to lie to him about it . But my culture religion stops me from telling him the truth I wish god forgives my mistakes snd make everything perfect any other suggestions I'm ready to take it thanks so much

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
Yes, it is hard to lie. However, sometimes the truth has to stay between you and your god. Because people are not as forgiving or understanding. And that's why women have kept such secrets. Because being taken advantage of as a young woman is not rare and hasn't been for so long. So it's important to have faith and to know that this is what you must do.


I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thanks so much it was really nice to chat with you and you are right. Sometimes it's better to keep secret then saying the truth I'm pretty sure god understands that. I was 18 years old when I first started dating him but for first 3 years we had no physical relationship after it was the almost start of the fourth year when everything happened snd after that everything fall apart he broke up until the I feel like he only used me for that once it happend he left me :( but i Irish it didn't have happened. Thanks for all the answers

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
You are very welcome. If you would give a positive rating before you leave, I would be grateful. All the best to you in your marriage.


Dr. Mark
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I was searching online I came across a cosmatic surgeons who had mentioned something about hymonplasty. I read all the details there about it. Have you heard about this kind of procedure before you think it works is it safe if you have any idea let me know please ??
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
I'm sorry, I don't know enough about it and or it's dangers and side effects to advise you as it's a medical issue. I recommend that you discuss this with your gynecologist to assess if there are risks in this procedure that the cosmetic surgeons may not tell you about. Please don't skip this step as it's very important and I want to make sure you'll be safe, okay? But if your doctor gives the okay, it sounds like a worthwhile thing to explore.


I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes I don't want to risk it either I was his wondering about it. Thanks for all ur help you are really helpful:) I feel so much better after discussing everything. With you I just everything goes well later too thanks so muc
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
Yes, all the very, very best to you. You deserve to have a happy life!


Dr. Mark


My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
Hi, the system is showing my last reply didn't go through, so let me paste it in again:


Yes, all the very, very best to you. You deserve to have a happy life!


Dr. Mark


My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

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