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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband speaks for me, he uses the royal we continuously.

Customer Question

My husband speaks for me, he uses the 'royal we' continuously. He does not own his feelings, he rarely uses the word I when speaking emotionally, He speaks for me as though I have no voice of my own. I've told him, over and over, not to do it. He ignores me and continues to speak for me. I'm Going mad. Who does he think he is? We have been married for 27 years and I'm going nuts. I'm an intelligent,thinking individual. I am not an extension of Him!!! I've pleaded with him over and over not to keep doing it and he doesn't listen,hear me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you with this situation

I do not want to give you a pat and glib answer but would like to investigate this further with you to give you the most helpful and authentic answer that I can.

I assume the he doesn't say "I love you". Using this form of language, known as a nosism or the majestic plural, is usual used by those in very high office such as a king or pope, but it sometimes used in the coroporate world when a CEO represents a large organisation.

He has done this for 27 years and now has become a habit that he cannot break.

It may indicate a great arrogance or overblown sense of importance or self-esteem.

From the view of others, it seems to be very boorish behavior.

Who DOES he think he is? How does he respond to you?

Why have you put up with this for more than a quarter of a century? Are you finally reaching your breaking point?

It seems that you have several options.

The first is to ignore it and continue to live your life with. It seems as if this option is coming to an end.

The second is that you find a very good marriage and family therapist, or a psychoanalyst that you two can see together. If he refuses then you can exert leverage on him such as not participating with him in any way and ignoring him just as he ignores you, and that includes refusing to do any household chores for him.

Of course, if he is the breadwinner then he can retaliate economically This may not work, as it seems that he is quite set in his way and he may even be delusional. I do not know.

The final step you can take is to sue for divorce and your share of the famiy property.

You do not have very viable choices but you do have choices.

The best would be to get some family therapy which then might reveal deeper problems within his psyche.

He seems to be disturbed with this bizarre behaviour and perhaps believes he is some sort or divinely appointed ruler, even if it is just over you.

If he says this because he believes he is kingly or divine, then he may very well have a psychosis, but could only be treated or assessed if he agrees to it, or if he becomes a danger to himself or others, and that does not seem likely at this time.

If you have something to add, I shall be delighted to help you. I agree that something has to change, for YOUR sake.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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