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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I dont understand men. What does it mean when my husband

Customer Question

I don't understand men. What does it mean when my husband tells my I've had my head in my ass for the last couple of days? What does that mean?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. Without knowing more details of what happened the last couple of days, it's hard to say for sure what he means in a specific way. Men are very different then women as I'm sure you know and both genders communicate in opposite ways a lot of times. There may have been something that he felt was wrong that you were oblivious to. He may have wanted you to acknowledge something that you didn't.
While you want to avoid arguments and fighting, you said you don't nag him, BUT you want to have an opinion in the relationship. You need to be able to express yourself. It isn't all about him. You both have an equal say in the way things are. Generally speaking, women hold onto things more than men and men are able to let go of problems quicker. Men tend to live in the moment while women look for secret meanings into things that men said when usually there isn't anything deeper than what they said.
I would hope that when he said this to you, you asked him what he meant by it. You didn't post what his response was but whatever he did say is probably the real meaning and nothing more. I would bet that it isn't a huge deal and that there may be something going on that he wishes you were paying attention to, that you are not. It could be personal or something to do specifically with him. It's hard to say. I'm just giving you my opinion based on the little information that I have.
I would hope that you communicate with him and make your side known in issues which you feel you need to say something. Ask him what you want to know and expect an answer from him. You need to not be afraid to bring things up, just because you want to avoid confrontation.
You are entitled to having and expressing an opinion.
Ask him what he means by his comment.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I pretty much expected you to write what you did. I didn't give you any more details because I apparently had a character limit in the question box. Also, I am not your average woman, in that I now about what you described as "male live in the moment" type of behavior having said this, I interact accordingly in that I just don't hang on to the moments or read things into them. He is a military vet with p.t.s.d. and impulse issues, possibly from a brain injury from being hit by a truck when he was six as well as pain issues from motorcycle wrecks and diabetes and what not. That not withstanding, he is usually a very loving individual. What I didn't get to tell you was. We came out of the theater, by this time is was about 3:30 pm and neither of us had eaten since breakfast, so it was way past time to eat and I noticed that I was feeling it. He snapped at me at reached over to by bike and pointed out just a cord handing where my GPS used to be. I simply stated in a matter of fact manner that he was not going to speak to me in that manner. He got huffy and made the statement about me having had my head you know where and decided we were not going on to a bike event and that he was going home and that is what we did. At home, He turned around behind me and drove off, didn't know where at the time, turned out a neighbor was putting stuff on the curb from moving and he was rummaging. I drove to get gas and came right back, parked and was met with a where the f*** did you go, I told him. Now he reaches into the saddle bag of his bike and takes out my GPS and hands it to me. I took and put it in my saddle bag and said thank you and went in the house. My feelings were obviously hurt, not so much by what was said, that would have blown over pretty quickly. I was really disturbed by what he had done. I don't know when he retrieved the GPS, probably when he used the restroom at the movie. But it was the covert action combined by what felt like a punishment that bothered me the most. If the foot had been on the other foot, I would have remembered maybe when I was in the restroom and returned to the movie and told him "Hey I realized that you left your GPS on your bike, but don't worry I locked it my saddle bag, try to remember next time okay. Seems reasonable to me. Now I don't now how to bring it up. He's never done anything like this before.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I completely agree that how he should have handled it was just like how you said. I would actually us that exact wording to bring it up to him. I would say something like, listen, I know the situation is what it is and has passed, but what you said really bothered me. I wish you would have said something like this instead. Hopefully it will be left at that. I'm not sure how he would normally react to a response such as that, but it is a reasonable thing to say to him.
Its hard sometimes on these forums to not get the full idea of the person asking the question, so we do our best and I am glad you followed up with additional info. It sounds as though you know him well and how to handle situations like this, but this one just rubbed you the wrong way. Hopefully, you can explain this to him and even if he doesn't say anything in response, he is the type who will let what you said soak in and next time, he will react more appropriately.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1376
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Sounds reasonable. This feels a little like owning a dog. He's a great dog, but he had an accident and pooped on the kitchen floor. Solution: Clean up the poop and resume house training with positive reinforcement measures until the pet in eliminating outside again. In some respects, it's nice that men are this simple to deal with. I guess this one blind sided me a little.


Thank you for your input. I will definitely be addressing the issue accordingly.


 


Thank you again.


 

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
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