How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Wendy MFT Your Own Question

Wendy MFT
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience:  15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
75332701
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Wendy MFT is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

looking for a second opinion

Customer Question

i have a problem i keep texting girls and asking them if they think im gay . i tell them i got drunk and slept with a guy and ask them if they think im gay or not.after that night i tried it twice more with two different people but felt bad for doing it after everytime. ive also been on here b4 and asked the same question . how do i stop. i have already asked a similar question but im looking for a second opinion. thank you

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 1 year ago.

Wendy MFT :

Hi there.

Wendy MFT :

Sorry you are having such trouble with this issue. It's certainly a big one. You are talking about your definition of yourself and who you are as a person, and that's NEVER an easy question to answer. And in reality, although you are looking to other people to help you answer this question, you are really the only person who can answer it.

Wendy MFT :

Clearly, your encounter with another male has made you question whether or not you are gay. I guess I would pose the question back to you: do YOU think you are gay? Also, you mentioned feeling bad after trying it with two different people. What I wonder is: what do you mean about feeling bad? Does that mean you didn't enjoy it or derive any satisfaction from it? Or does it mean that perhaps you DID feel some satisfaction and enjoyment, but feel that you "shouldn't" feel that way? So, is there a sense of guilt or shame about feeling the way you do?

Wendy MFT :

These are all questions I would ask you to ponder in helping you come to a conclusion about your own sexuality.

Wendy MFT :

You also asked: how do I stop? What is it you want help stopping? Texting girls and asking them if you're gay, or stopping encounters with other men in an attempt to answer this question about yourself.

Wendy MFT :

If you can help me out by answer those questions, I may be able to provide a more thorough answer for you.

Wendy MFT :

I hope to hear from you soon!

JACUSTOMER-w7p32zlr- :

sometimes i think that im gay but then i think to myself i cant be gay, when i say i feel bad a mean i think at the time im doing it i feel excited and maybe enjoy it a little bit but when i cum i think what have i done and have to leave straight away.i want to stop texting girls and asking them if they think im gay. i think when i text and ask them this question i get a bit of a buzz out of it . i think girls are hot but when im with them this plays on my head and i cant preform properly.

JACUSTOMER-w7p32zlr- :

also when i masterbait to pictures of girls or have sex with them when i cum i feel good i dont feel bad

Wendy MFT : Hello again. I apologize. I responded to your question almost 24 hours ago. I just logged in again and noticed that my response is not appearing here for you. I apologize for the delay; there must be some technical difficulties.
Wendy MFT : I just tried to respond again and was met with further technical difficulties. I will get back to you soon, because I do have an answer for you. Please be patient.
Wendy MFT : Let me try this again.
Wendy MFT : So, a few things come to mind.
Wendy MFT : First, I know you are asking girls if you are gay, but TRULY, no one else can answer that question for you. You are the only one that really knows.
Wendy MFT : And it sounds like you are in a "searching" phase with regards to your sexualilty. Perhaps it has surprised you that you are attracted to males as well as females. Most of the time, sexuality is presented in discrete categories: straight/gay, etc. But in reality, our sexualty lies on a continuum, with heterosexuality on one end and homosexuality on the other. We all lie somewhere along that continuum.
Wendy MFT : Perhaps you are in a different place on this continuum than you thought you were.
Wendy MFT : Now, regarding your feelings about yourself when you are with women, versus men, I would imagine that has more to do with your beliefs about homosexualty. Are you clear on your beliefs about being gay?
Wendy MFT : I hope thishas given you some more things to think about and consider as you struggle with this issue. Determining our sexuality is a very big part of figuring out who we are. So I think it's very important that you are asking these questions.
Wendy MFT : But as I said, NO ONE else can asnwer the question of whether or not you are gay for you. (And I'd be highly suspicious of anyone who tells you they CAN tell you that!). Only YOU can figure that out.
Wendy MFT : Let me know if you need any more help!
JACUSTOMER-w7p32zlr- :

thank you for you reply. ok i realy do need your help. i dont feel gay. i cant be and dont want to be gay. i had a threesome lastnight. me a friend of mine who is a guy and a girl. me and my friend didnt do anything with each other. he went with her first and i went second. we used rubbers. he had no problem getting hard for her. he was haed as soon as she got naked. when it came my turn i still wasnt hard. she asked me whats wrong and i said i cant get hard because hes in the room so he moved away and faced the other way. i still couldnt get hard. in the end i imagined she was a guy and i started to get hard . im annoyed because i thought she was so hot but could only get hard when i imagined she was a guy. i feel like im getting worse and i dont want to be gay

JACUSTOMER-w7p32zlr- :

could it be that i have OCD

Wendy MFT : I'm not sure what being OCD would have to do with you being gay.
Wendy MFT : But it sounds like your experience from last night was very uncomfortable for you.
Wendy MFT : I truly think that due to the very personal nature and the intensity of the issue you're facing, it would probably be best for you to seek out a professional counselor or therapist who has specific expertise in what you are struggling with, especially since you feel it is getting worse. As much as I would like to be able to help you more, I just don't think this is the appropriate forum, and I don't have any other answers for you. I do apologize. Please seek out local professional help.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1580
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1580
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    914
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    377
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    364
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/AL/aliciamiller/2012-4-9_21330_profilepicture.64x64.jpg Alicia_MSW's Avatar

    Alicia_MSW

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    331
    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    320
    Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Wendy MFT
Wendy MFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
15 Satisfied Customers
15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.