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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Well I decided to end my relationship with my living together

Resolved Question:

Well I decided to end my relationship with my living together relationship 4 years !! Things were getting little tense last couple of months !! He stop having sex with me rather he would play by himself or watch porn !! Or naked girls on computer !! Which he denied all that he said that he never masturbates never !! Decided to end the relationship cause I was not happy anymore and I feel that I need someone to care about me and value me. I wanted to have a baby soo bad which we discussed that before I remove my iud !! He agreed ! Just were doing our homework as the days we supposed to have intercourse !! But I notice like three weeks ago or four weeks ago he lost interest in the intimacy ! Rather he masturbate!! This is very sad for me !! He is still at the house we don't speak try to get home late he sleeps in the other room ! We discuss about bills car vehicles cause we had everything together even though we just boyfriends ! Bank account joint !! Good thing I had some savings under the bed and open a new account in another bank !! The joint account well is money there that both put money from our jobs !! But of course he supply more money cause he is full time and I am part time with almost same hourly rate. But we have totally two different jobs !! Probably he mades maybe two dollars more than me but he is full time !! Well I did mentioned last Monday to try to find another place as soon as possible !! I don't want to scream or have a fight !! I do love this Person but I want peace ! Why is he acting like is not hurting him the relationship !! We had our phones with verizon and he move his line to a separate account !! But my concern is why he is acting like that we spend four years together and he is like nothing !! Not trying to come to me crying sad etc etc !! Pleas advise !!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your story shows how he was not truly honest towards you, and how his behavior and commitment totally changed once you decided to work on getting pregnant

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do believe you were right setting boundaries and confronting his behaviors, totally inconsistent with your commitment. It is very sand and painful but real, necessary for you to take good care of yourself since you need somebody who is truly able and willing to match your core needs and expectation in the short term and in the long run too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: Few weeks ago I talked to him and I ask him why he is not give me intimacy anymore he just said cause he is very tired and he works a lot and I said tired but you have time to masturbate!! He denied that completely ! I mentioned that I have a theory that maybe cause he does not want me to get pregnant and he said well baby is not a priority in my life !! If it comes well and if it does not well too ! That part killed me !! But why is he acting like a jerk !! It seems like he is not sad that we ended the relationship.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very sad but his behaviors, regardless of what motivates them, show that he effectively does not care about taking care of this relationship, and that this painful reality became obvious as soon as you decided to start working on getting pregnant as you agreed before. He stopped avoiding-refusing sex, while keeping an active sexual activity through masturbation and pornography, and then by directly telling you he does not have a baby as a priority in his life at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He continues not to be honest and when basic respect, honesty ad caring are not preset in a relationship, it is impossible for it to grow as a healthy and fulfilling one. You could try very hard to understand his deepest reasons to act this way, but it could become an endless process, since only he knows the answers, and as long as he does not choose to be honest, you would never know.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
9/9/13 6:44 PM
It is very sad but his behaviors, regardless of what motivates them, show that he effectively does not care about taking care of this relationship, and that this painful reality became obvious as soon as you decided to start working on getting pregnant as you agreed before. He stopped avoiding-refusing sex, while keeping an active sexual activity through masturbation and pornography, and then by directly telling you he does not have a baby as a priority in his life at all.
9/9/13 6:48 PM
He continues not to be honest and when basic respect, honesty ad caring are not preset in a relationship, it is impossible for it to grow as a healthy and fulfilling one. You could try very hard to understand his deepest reasons to act this way, but it could become an endless process, since only he knows the answers, and as long as he does not choose to be honest, you would never know.

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MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach