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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1371
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Retrain my boyfriend?I was told that we all train others

Customer Question

Retrain my boyfriend?
I was told that we all train others how to treat us. What are some tips on re igniting a strong flame within my relationship? I have "trained" my boyfriend to not have to work so hard for me. What are things that I can do for him to see my value?
I am a needy person and he is not so he has said that sometimes I dont respect his space or time. I call/text frequent when Idont hear from him. Help me shift the table.

I am looking for someone with solutions to this question.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'm a moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. Please let me know and I will assist further. Thank you!

 

Best,

Angela

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. You have stated the problem in the relationship, which means that finding the solution should be easier. By stating that you are too needy and that you text him all the time when you don't hear from him and that he is specifically having a problem with this behavior, then this is where things need to be adjusted. He is stating he wants a bit of space and you are going to have to give that to him if that is what he wants and you want to make him happy. You need to explain to him WHY it is that you try to keep in touch with him more often than he feels comfortable with. Tell him that you will back off and not text him and crowd him so much if he will meet you half way and try to communicate a little bit more. You both need to work as a team to meet each other in the middle.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you so much! So for example, I should probably not bother him until the end of the week? So we can sit down and discuss this stuff? If it were me I would want to call him right now and talk to him but then he may not be in that mode I dont want to piss him off so would you say its best to contact him closer to weekend? I love being able to contact and keep connected and I feel such a disconnect during the week it makes me feel insecure. I have never shared this with him.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I understand how you feel. This is a common issue between men and women. You have to find the common ground. Absolutely you should sit down and discuss this. Explain your side and ask him what he expects from you. By asking him questions instead of just stating your side to him, you will get him to open up a bit more and see that you are trying to compromise and not just get your way. You also don't want to walk on egg shells and wonder if he is always going to be pissed at you. You are in a relationship, he needs to expect that you want to talk with him and communicate. You need to get your way a little bit too. Don't ONLY cater to him and his needs. Just find that middle ground. Call him or text him tomorrow or Friday.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1371
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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