Height and weight is really irrelevant. He weights 180, 5'8. But the bulk of the weight is in his stomach, not admitting to anything wrong.
You can weigh 200 lbs, and be very thin. Weight isn't really the issue here. How much body fat. But this isn't a medical question.
weight has nothing to do with my question. This is a relationship issue,not a medical one !!
First off, your husband needs to be confronted with your feelings about his behavior, and made to understand that, because you care for him his failuer to deal with this issue causes you a lot of discomfort and indeed sadness
We humans only indulge in behaviour that brings reward of some kind. Only when that reward (whatever it might be) disappears, or the consequences of our behaviour promise to be unpleasant do we consider changing what we do. Therefore, you need to give him a reason to change, otherwise he simply will not do do. Why should he? He has gotten away with his behaviour until now, so it works for him.
You have been married so long that YOU know what he likes, wants, desires - in other words, how to press his buttons. Use this to your advantage. Positively encourage him to take things on board - constant negative comment IS NOT GOING TO WORK!
Make fullfilling his wants partly conditional on him starting to take care of himself. Chenge his diet to cut down his calorie intake. Find some sort of exercise that you both enjoy, and do it together - even if you don´t enjoy it so much. Reward every one of his little successes in some way - perhaps as little as a kind word of encouragement. even something as small as his being willing to discuss the issue. Make it clear that you really appreciate that he wants to listen.
A final word - never, never be blaming and never, never lose your temper over this. It may be hard, but if you get mad, you have lost!!
thank you for all the information. Yes, he should be around 164. I don't know if it's a guy vs female thing about not "wanting to be right". It's ok if he's overweight, but the problem here lies in admitting that he is and he cares about it, which obviously he does not. He rather wear extra tight clothes than admit he needs a bigger size. Maybe it's an ego thing, don't know. He packs a triple decker sandwich every day to work, I'm not about to start off the day arguing, so I let it go. I stopped commenting on what he eats, it simply isn't worth it.
I don't want to be the first one dead dealing with all the stress, while he could care less.
Yes, I've been married for a long time, doesn't necessarily make it a very happy one.
Easier to catch a fly with honey, as you say. Do you have any suggestions on how a man is to admit something. If a shirt is obviously way too tight, there's nothing to deny about it.
This weight issue is the only one he is sensitive about talking He likes french fries. Dare I stop him. Heck no. It simply isn't worth it, cuz he won't listen anyway.
I know he has listened to many others before he listens to his wife. Open for suggestions
Actually, it's not really about the weight. It's the denial of the problem. Or for that matter, any problem.
He said it's "my perception". It's the way I see it. I'd be ok with it, if he just admitted, "your right, this shirt is a bit small, I need a bigger size"
But I doubt that will ever happen.It hasn't in all these years. I can't seem to understand, because by admitting, that will mean that he concedes.
He would rather squish into something than get a larger size just so he isn't "wrong".
It's not even about being right or wrong. Who would want to be wearing tight clothes anyway? I think by me saying that shirt is too tight on him, it implies he's fat or gained weight, to that effect. I think that's the botXXXXX XXXXXne.
I know there is an easy way to talk to people without sounding like a complaint. But I haven't figured it out. Seems the wording I use, comes across as complaining