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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have been involved with a woman for 5 years and have never

Customer Question

I have been involved with a woman for 5 years and have never bothered using Facebook. I recently befriended her and noticed two startling things. 1) Her status was single and 2) there were hundreds of pictures of her, her friends and her family and not one picture of me or us together. We are in what I thought was a loving committed relationship and share lots of history about our lives and past relationships. I asked her why is her status single and she said "i do not discuss my relationship on Facebook and i see people change there status all the time, one minute single, one minute its complicated and one minute its in a relationship" my question was what does other people's status have to do with you. I asked her how come there are no pictures of me or us? She said, "I once asked her if she had any pictures of us on Facebook and she said she told me yes she did but took it down because of something I said when she responded" I have never told her to take it down and told her that was nonsense...

So I started looking at some of her posts and people's post on her page... She posted a very nice picture of herself and got a lot of response to it...her X boyfriend responded with a ogling comment and she responded to his post by say "Still blushing, thank you followed by a purple heart shape symbol. So I asked her what does a heart shape symbol mean before I asked her about her comment and she said "it is expression of love for a person place or thing" So I clicked on his face and went to his page and low and behold there was a post from her to a nice looking picture he posted of his self from her which read " fine as wine, juicy as a steak, cut me a piece followed by a smiley face..

I then asked her about her ogling comment on his page and her response to his ogle on her page....She says they are friends and that is what facebook is all about, she says she was single for a while after her divorce and dating and was involved with a few guys, (which I was aware of) and she still keeps in touch with and maintains her friendships with them. She apologized for the ogling comments and said the heart means nothing at all after I queried her on them...I told her what she told me it meant and she says she cares for him, she is not in love with him and he calls occasionally to say hello and check up on her. She told me about a relationship she has back home and how after her divorce when ever she went home her and this man an X boyfriend use to hook-up and get physical when ever she went home. Naturally I have heard her talk about a friend from home over the year in general conversation over the years but she never ever referred to him as her X boyfriend. Recently in general conversation, she says that her X boyfriend from home stopped speaking to her after her last visit this year. I asked why, she said because he is disrespecting our relationship as he asked her to hook up and she said no and that she was going home....this happened this year after her last visit and I said why did you go and visit him, she claims she heard he opened up a new retail store and she went to see it.

So I said on average you visit your home town once a year and have been home at least four times during our relationship and why did it take him 5 years and 5 visits to suddenly take a stop speaking to you position and I said to her, I wonder if you hooked up with him on your 4 previous visits during our relationship, Her response was that "i am wasting my time on this and whenever i go home I am with my family and friends" Never once did she say and remove all doubt and wonder in my mind..I have never hookup with him on my visits back home during the 5 years and 5 visits of our relationship.

We have be discussing marriage of late and she tells me that her current life and activities will not change and that has me bothered a bit...i asked her if it is ok for us to be together sitting in bed at night as a married couple and for her to continue to receive calls from her X boyfriend calling her to say hello, check up on her to see if she is ok and she said she does not see that as a problem with that unless they call often..I told her I differ because
an X is an X and his days of calling are over and I do not have an issue with her running into him while she is out and about and having the occasional chat. On her Facebook page, she posted something about going to Bermuda, a girl asked her why are you going to Bermuda, she said "I am going to visit a sexy man" I found it strange she did not say something like 'I am going to visit my boyfriend or my man"..
So, we in Bermuda, she asked me to take a picture of her laying out on the front of a boat in a sultry looking bathing suit and I did and the first thing she did was post it on her facebook page, which i had no problem with..she got a lot of comments and she read some of the to me....then all of a sudden her phone rings and it is her fine as wine boyfriend..

Am I being played.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you in this situation.

I am sure that you are very distraught about this situation. Her ideas of a more open marriage and your more traditional ideas clash.

She is very secretive about being open, and likes to portray herself as a sexy single woman unattached to you. You are not front and center on her Facebook and she is flirting and fishing for compliments and ogling and probably for guys.

She is not being open with you and if you continue this relationship you will be heading for a trainwreck.

You would do much better with a woman who adored you and would do nothing to make you feel insecure and act faithfully, as you would act towards her.

She may be beautiful on the outside, but she is not the right person to bank your future on for a successful relationship.

You are deep and caring, and she is shallow and manipulative.

Yes, you are being played and not even important enough to be the center of her social world.

Go with your feelings. They are correct. Let her get drunk on her fine as wine friend, and suffer the hangover that will surely follow.

I believe that she does not deserve you, and that you deserve someone as fine as silver.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks Elliott
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Counselor
7663 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.