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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband and I got into a fight over his daughter from his

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My husband and I got into a fight over his daughter from his first marriage. He never listens he defends her right away and never me. Shouldn't he at least listen and talk to his daughter and see if I was right.
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Dear friend,

Your husband is acting automatically, defending his daughter without thinking. This would be admirable if her adversary was an outsider. However it is YOU, his wife.

Yes he has a dilemma, but that is when he needs to break out of his trance and use his cognitive abilities to discern the problem.

He does not have to "take sides". A wise man would not put himself in this situation but would act as an arbiter and a peace-maker. You two, are in a sense, two parts of him and he must keep the balance and not overwhelm one side or the other.

He is missing a golden opportunity to bring you and your step-daughter together, win the admiration and respect of BOTH of you, and not create a long-lasting problem.

It is very possible that he believes that he is in part responsible for his divorce from his previous wife, or for his daughter's total support. He does not realize that he is spoiling her by doing this, driving a wedge between you and his daughter, and between you and him.

Let him know how you feel and how it is affecting your relationship with him and with his daughter. Tell him that you don't want to feel like an outsider who doesn't have full support. Let him know that he could handle this better and not make you the scapegoat, just so that your relationship and endure and prosper.

That is not too much to ask.

Here is an effective and interesting book that might interest you.

Product Details

Blended Families: Creating Harmony as You Build a New Home Life by Maxine Marsolini

I wish you great success and harmony in your family, and shall keep you in my prayers to that end.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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